kokopelle: Black Cat (Cat - Black)
My daily review of Tumblr found a blog posting by an abuse survivor. It spoke to the tension, masking, and eventual tainting of the sufferer by the toxic situation. Their words prompted me to write “Natural”


Natural

Is it natural to want to hurt
toxic aims held to heart
planning harm at future’s time?
this pondering is for other ones
kin supposed to care for you
though actions say otherwise

in this place the dread is real
the belt or stick is near at hand
at any time the fist may fly
the not knowing is the worse
expectation of future’s realm
that drains the spirit in the now

others only see the mask
nice for a time to trick the rube
the intent is to confuse
this false journey to the norm
is life’s sad laugh from a god
allowing pain to find a child

anxiety becomes a lifestyle
a full time job with no pay
helplessness against the wrong
imbuing illness to accept
or promote the same within the self
this natural is the Devil’s gain.

© 2017. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170708.
kokopelle: Black Cat (Cat - Black)
Jodi Lynn Anderson is credited with the quote, “she guarded herself like a secret”. This sentence is from a paragraph that speaks about hidden fears. I took inspiration in another direction, pondering the times when the protagonist is guarding herself because of a need for external safety. The poem “She Guards” speaks to the concerns that many women have, and that men cannot even begin to understand.


She Guards

She guards herself like a secret
lest the world abuse her grace
a shade of power inherent within
tattered revenant of her past trials
safety was too often paramount
above the whims that may bless moments
simple joys that most assume
were ripped away by past abuse
leaving only vigilance
asking where the faith had gone
in security of the every day
in protected moments every where.

The veil of trust was no more
once present to hide the beasts
now they lurk, waiting there
striking when shields are dropped
the monsters come in many forms
some are strangers, others not
sadly the worse are the latter
colleagues, sweethearts, families
taking in the private spaces
where safety should be the standard
taking more than strangers may
only pain remains when trust is taken.

Now no drink may be left alone
lest the villains find a way
to have their ways while Satan laughs
by curse of modern chemistry
every shadow holds dire threats
fiends enclosed where none should be
these imps of brimstone's taint
hellions worshiping only power's lust
the all to common is saved for the last
the "good ones" who take their liberties
touching where the hands should not
social leaves of darkest kind.

Pray in remembrance of simpler days
for some these have never been
bend the knee to ask for grace
this shall not mend that ripped away
ohers look in the mirror to find the source
why the secrets must shield her soul
protectors missing when darkness fell
or the “saviors” were to blame
she guards herself like a secret
the reasons why are not hidden
when the world seeks to only control
exert its power and not protect her life.

© 2017, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170310.
kokopelle: Black Cat (cat black)
The poem “Beyond When” was inspired by the stated goals of the poet “Survivor” on website “Deep Underground Poetry”. Their passionate mission is to connect with and inspire other survivors while continuing their own journey. This touched me. My poem explores the injustices of the world that create those who struggle to survive. The breadth is large, allowing most people to identify with lifetime occupation of surviving. My secondary goal is to give the abusers of the world a mirror that will perhaps give them pause if they are willing to consider their ways.


Beyond When

When the belt was put
to flesh to young to fully understand
wounds inflicted
to sate the anger of the older ones
escape comes with age
for the rage they have will never stop
I move beyond reach
the blows find another place to land
or Father Time
removes the strength from abusers to act

when words were poisoned
weaponized to inflict the deepest hurt
anthrax is no match
to the toxins laced in the words spoken
honed to just harm
no other purpose may be found in their use
anger’s other child
companion to the fists that mar the skin
there is no defense
when the invisible is venom to the soul

when sex was given
to others taking what should be mine
where did my worth go
was the affection there when the words were spoke
the love is absent
passion so empty when our bodies embrace
lives endangered
diseases of the body, corruption of the mind
our trust revoked
when deposits are made to stranger’s banks

when body was taken
boundaries breached by stranger and the known
neither is benign
each has their reason to think the acts are acceptable
in Hell’s dark domain
the Lord of Lies has found these evil ones
the most intimate
breached by those who had no right to have their way
my choice removed
when nature’s most holy has been stolen.

when belief was absent
denial is the response that society finds
inconvenienced
by the monsters now too safe in their arms
so respectable
don’t rock the boat when the course has been set
only the asking
if I’m sure of the act now carved in my life
why can’t they see
it must be nothing when attackers walk free

when the sum of this
all of life’s stones cast to beat me down
bring me to my knees
asks me to leave my blood on the ground
life has no handhold
the safety net forgotten when I was born
I’ll find the answer
a reason to exist beyond the consuming dark
walk toward the light
to where the door was always there, just out of sight.

2016, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved, 20161106.
kokopelle: Black Cat (cat black)
I read about the reception that Amy Schumer's book is receiving in regards to her first sexual experience. It reminded me of too many tales I've heard of people being attacked by the ones they should trust, the ones they should love. Violation too often comes from the direction of the outwardly good ones, with the abused only knowing the inward bad. My burden is emotional abuse, and for this have a form of emotional PTSD. This was the inspiration for my poem "Shapeshifter".


Shapeshifter

My shapeshifter
good and bad
they never see
the one you are
when we're alone
when you act out
abuse that flows
from your mouth
from your hands
from every part
later saying
you're very sad
never again
please make it so
this is a lie
to appease
your sense of guilt
to placate me
so I'll play along
to the outside world
never seeing
the hell within
never feeling
the pain I am
never knowing
your evil ways
always wishing
rainbow skies
when midnight shines
in your eyes
that ask me please
to hold my tongue
to save you now
when demons taunt
my weakness spurned
by who you are
to be no more
would be a gift
to escape you beast
to make my peace
to end it all
to find the way
beyond the pain
where others live
where God exists
others save
the fresh meat
you consume
the ones like you
I'm alone
against the wall
my shapeshifter
I'll end it all.

© 2016, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved, 20160819.
kokopelle: Horse Totem (Cat Die)
A recent blog entry on capital punishment brought up some strong reactions on punishment of sexual offenders. Below is an edited article that I wrote earlier this year. This is strong stuff. I am not suggesting that my views are the only right ones. They are my experience. I am open to hearing about other people's thoughts.

There is a disturbing statistic out there. “In 8 out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows the perpetrator (Tjaden and Thoennes 2000).” (http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/svfacts.htm). The statistic are saying that the perpetrator is a family member or a family associate/friend.

Juxtapositioned with this is the way that our society is now treating "recognized" sexual offenders. Those brought up on charges are now put on sexual offender watch-lists. These lists are available to the public. This can be a good thing. The shadow side of the lists is that all sexual offenders are put on these lists. This includes those involved with statutory rape, prostitution stings, public indecency between consenting adults, and so on. These are lumped in with the true(er) sexual predators that stalk our children and young adults. There are some inherent unfairness in the way these lists are constructed and used. The correction of this is a matter of public policy and community desires.

A recent discussion on a talk radio show I listen had people calling in and saying that sexual offender should be tracked 24/7, while being kept away from all children. The caller was asked what made the sexual offender different from the serial bank-robber. Bank-robbers are not tracked with electronic collars, listed on websites, and forbidden from living in proximity to stores/banks. The answer was very guttural. Children are family, and there is a higher benchmark of "justice" called upon those who offend against children. It seemed that some people would like to see sexual offenders have their parts chopped off and then the sexual offenders would be thrown in a hole for the rest of their lives.

Wow. This is a very strong emotional reaction. It is my theory that there is a tremendous shadow of unacknowledged sexual abuse in our culture. The 80% of sexual attackers are not punished by the law because they are our fathers, brothers, uncles, friends, etc. We cannot have our fathers arrested and sent to jail. Our brothers and their friends will never pay for their crimes. Shame fills this shadow. Instead, our collective sense of rage is turned towards those who are recognized by society. Meanwhile the cancer of sexual abuse is passed from generation to generation. People are broken emotionally, and our society pretends that this plague does not exist.

Can we bring this justice upon those that we know – our families and acquaintances? How can this 80% of offenders be dealt with? Is it "fair" that our rage is directed towards others, or do those 80% of experiences only better inform us of what we should do about those who can be punished?

Your feedback would be appreciated.
kokopelle: Horse Totem (Default)
My massage therapy class this weekend was about the mind/body connection, and how the therapist can deal with the emotions that occur during a massage. The students exchanged massages while the ‘client’ student was encouraged to touch an emotionally charged part of themselves. My class is very comfortable with talking amongst itself, and some of the stories that came out were about sexual abuse.

There is a disturbing statistic out there. “In 8 out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows the perpetrator (Tjaden and Thoennes 2000).” (http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/svfacts.htm). When I read this, and relate it to the experiences of my classmates, the statistic is really saying that the perpetrator is a family member or a family associate/friend.

Juxtapositioned with this is the way that our society is now treating ‘recognized’ sexual offenders. Those brought up on charges are now put on sexual offender watch-lists. These lists are available to the public. This can be a good thing. The shadow side of the lists is that all sexual offenders are put on these lists. This includes those involved with statutory rape, prostitution stings, public indecency between consenting adults, and so on. These are lumped in with the true(er) sexual predators that stalk our children and young adults. There are some inherent unfairness in the way these lists are constructed and used. The correction of this is a matter of public policy and community desires.

The community reactions to a sexual offender, especially those of the child predatory type, are very visceral. A recent discussion on a talk radio show I listen had people calling in and saying that sexual offender should be tracked 24/7, while being kept away from all children. The caller was asked what made the sexual offender different from the serial bank-robber. Bank-robbers are not tracked with electronic collars, listed on websites, and forbidden from living in proximity to stores/banks. The answer was very guttural. Children are family, and there is a higher benchmark of ‘justice’ called upon those who offend against children. It seemed that some people would like to see sexual offenders have their parts chopped off and then the sexual offenders would be thrown in a hole for the rest of their lives.

Wow. Very strong emotional reaction. Where is it coming from? It is my theory that there is a tremendous shadow of unacknowledged sexual abuse in our culture. The 80% of sexual attackers are not punished by the law because they are our fathers, brothers, uncles, friends, etc. We cannot have our fathers arrested and sent to jail. Our brothers and their friends will never pay for their crimes. Shame fills this shadow. Instead, our collective sense of rage is turned towards those who are recognized by society. Meanwhile the cancer of sexual abuse is passed from generation to generation. People are broken emotionally, and our society pretends that this plague does not exist.

I’ve been thinking about this the past few days and had to write it down. Some days I think the human race is great and other days I think we are beyond redemption. On those days (the beyond redemption part) I am reminded of the Depeche Mode song:

“I don't want to start/ Any blasphemous rumours/ But I think that God's/ Got a sick sense of humour/ And when I die/ I expect to find Him laughing.”

The complete irony here is that I truly believe that we are simutanously God and representations of the potential of God, so it is a joke we play upon ourselves. It is our ‘humour’ that is questioned.

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