kokopelle: Black Cat (cat black)
“I Vacillate” is about the seesaw of my self-worth.


I Vacillate

In this world I vacillate
between two poles of self-worth
one as small as a tick
another has me drive the bus
back and forth I twist in place
without foundation long under feet
pride is found in the bias
as doubts pile to find balance.

With the highs come the lows
bounced between confidence
thrill of living on one hand
an end is sought to compensate
if I’m swept to fall again
it would be normality
may I drift into the air
then fall to ground to try once more.

When the loudest ask for more
than I'm ready to put forth
I slink away to find my place
in the background away from fame
as the years push on by
I’m left again to flip the switch
on a life that’s run its course
this is my feeling in the dark.

I sometimes wonder why I try
to push the boulder up the hill
if my value is mismatched
to the effort of the task
with a vision of my impact
or a blindness of all things
where I stand in this world
is an angst deep in my soul.

© 2017. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170918.
kokopelle: Black Cat (Cat - Black)
“Mirror, Mirror” was written about my dislike of mirrors and my mild symptoms of BDD.


Mirror, Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall
avert your gaze from this mortal
rescind judgment, look away
I'll have no part with you today
others may rebuff themselves
or even worse, in relative
these I'll look with different eye
gauge their beauty above the blot.

Then the monsters assert themselves
in form of mist inside my head
capturing vision to misuse
seeking wounds on psyche’s soul
taunting whispers, pointing paws
stating wrongness all too large
flaws are plain in their sight
best to turn in case they're right.

Others don’t see my flaws
or if they do, they play them down
mole hills where I see mountains
a little bump where I feel walls
the quickest glance is enough
please don't pause, look too long
lest the fears be then confirmed
by mirror, mirror on the wall.

© 2017. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170714.
kokopelle: Black Cat (cat black)
“Cringing Beast” was prompted by an experience in which a friend said something nice to me. My reaction was one of disbelief, almost anger. I realized that my self-worth was misbehaving.


Cringing Beast

Forgive me for my angry thoughts
when you reached with good intent
the snarling comes from deep inside
reaction to the outreached hand

self-worth is a cringing beast
too long left to itself
shy to leave its secure lair
indulge in realm of company

comfort’s found in privacy
with no one there to complement
forcing angst to step aside
allow the esteem to come to front

when the invite is put forth
it’s no wonder that I bark
asked to relate to a world
with kinder thoughts than I indulge.

2017. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170703.
kokopelle: (Professor Chaos - Angry)
A Matter of Inches
Poem for Day 033 – 20141026

A matter of inches,
just a few little space,
that's all it will takes
to twist your self-esteem
from dream to extreme.

Our measure of ourselves,
what we believe others to think,
is based on simple measurements,
with too little different too much to conceive,
all tying back to our esteem.

Please could this be thinner?
Would this be taller?
Could this be fuller?
Won't this be longer?
So many inches to account for,
all connecting to body décor.

The terrible secret,
the ironic condition,
is that everyone has at least one,
a single measurement their own,
too short or too long,
defining their body gone wrong.

© 2014. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved.

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