kokopelle: (Cat - Bunny Love)
A series of Tumblr inspirations led me to write the poem “Devotion’s Altar”. It is about dancing, but not the social kind.


Devotion’s Altar

Find out what you love
what you hold most dear
who you adore as beloved.
Seek that one to share the warmth
of nature’s call to coincide
two for pleasure with love embraced.

Cherish the moments together
treasure them for the bliss
they are a prize few will find.
Grasp them firmly in your arms
spin them round so they are
the center of the world.

Worship at devotion’s altar
finding bliss on bent knee
venerate before ardour’s plunge.
Tap the passion of two sparks
flaming hot for each other
melding pleasure with the love.

© 2016, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved, 20160702.
kokopelle: Frank n Furter (Frank-n-Furter)
The poem “Contours of a Soul” is a sensual exploration of all forms of dance. Barriers are dropped during dance. Artificial distinctions are discarded as people find each other, and in that, discover themselves if only for a moment.


Contours of a Soul
Poem for Day 201 – 20150720

Contours of a soul press against me,
I move beyond the one you seem to be.
They say the blind can see with sensitive hands,
a touch of the face reveals what eyes cannot view.
Barriers vanish as bodies press close,
society's differences muted to our hearing.
The baggage of a thousand thousand years
pass as I discover the beauty of you.

I lost my sight in the face of shared light,
discarded the false utility of this tool.
Flesh colored has lost its base usefulness
when other ways explore shared humanity.
Standards of form's interlocking ways,
discarded as we pursue the other bodily.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
I need you more than I need life itself.

Closer still we'll embrace in search of one,
unity of purpose in our pleasure.
Separate goals mapped in hot pursuit
of endings found in dual complicity.
I'll forget why I could not embrace
the one before me, part of life itself.
I'll remember that we're all meant to be
with you as my sensual guide to memory.

© 2015, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved
kokopelle: (Cat - Bunny Love)
“Breathe Again” is a themed set of lyrics about dancing. The participants are submerged in the dance, only breaking away when the tune ends. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!


Breathe Again
Poem for Day 174 – 20150623

They say I ought to breathe again,
that's it necessary for life prolonged.
I'll not disagree with them,
but they don't know have you in their arms.

The world has shrunk to the two of us,
no room to be found in between,
baby Jesus has found another place
while we sustain on shared romance.

Would I breathe again if I could?
I'd not do any such thing,
not if it separated you from me.

I'll drown as only lovers can,
sweet nectar of the moment shared,
come up for air from that special place,
only to dive back down again.

We'll cut the rug way down low,
as I hold you closer than most.
We'll lose ourselves outside life,
to find something instead of breath.

Would I breathe again if I could?
I'd not do any such thing,
not if it separated you from me.

If I must take breath once again,
it will be the end of this bliss.
If I must breathe will I take my leave
that'll mean I will miss you once again.

Would I breathe again if I could?
I'd not do any such thing.
I'd stay submerged in your love
to keep you in my arms.

© 2015, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved.
kokopelle: (Dark God)
Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess posted a blog that put forth a metaphor for sexual consent (http://rockstardinosaurpirateprincess.com/2015/03/02/consent-not-actually-that-complicated/). The material has since been turned into a video. Good stuff in that it presented consent in a context of tea. It spoke to me, but I felt like something was missing. I wrote the poem “Sex is Not Like Tea”. I showed it to a person who had been the victim of non-consensual sex. They said that the tea metaphor was not enough. They also said that my poem did not say enough about the selfish brutality of non-consensual sex. So, with the knowledge that I don't do the subject full justice, here is “Sex is Not Like Tea”.


Sex is Not Like Tea
Poem for Day 140 – 20150520

Sex is not like tea,
no matter how convenient it may be
to explain the manners requested
in matters of sexual conquest.
They say that sex is given
to those who are unwilling,
the truth is closer to this,
that it is taken by the selfish.

To talk of tea is intellectual,
appealing to the higher self,
sadly this is not the vehicle
when liberties are roughly taken.
Power or boredom, neither are drivers
for drinking or giving the tea beverage.
Instead look to the salacious alcohol,
loosening the bindings of the conscious.

Sex is more like booze,
taken from the unwilling.
A demon addiction unbidden
releasing restraints of sanity.
Consider the paths traveled
by the seekers of touch erotic.
They will give up partnerships
and leave their lives shattered.

Sex is not like tea,
it would be nice if it could be,
but humans are broken in a way
that the beverage cannot not explain.
Be wary teachers by analogy,
sex is like sex, powerful yet vicious,
more like booze unleashed
upon the attacker and the victim.

© 2015. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved
kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
I have over 150 poems to my name now. A friend asked when I was going to publish a book of poetry. I do intend to, and their question got me thinking of the particulars of this action. I’ve embraced many themes in my poetry, but two that stand out are dancing and death. Because of this I can imagine the title of the book to be “Dancing and Death”. I wrote the poem “Death Rides” to celebrate the conjoining of these two themes.


Death Rides
Poem for Day 022 - 20150122

Death rides tonight
on black horseback.
We dance in greeting,
under the bright moonlight.

Look to the bawdy stars,
strip my soiled rags,
I am yours tonight,
here in your consuming arms.
Stroke the mane,
light the candle.
We are babes new borne
to dance in Death's domain.

Turn eyes upward,
look to the angels high,
while our dance combines
our energies below.
Black ewe, white ram,
consorts to Death's prance,
slain to bring about
the passing of each masters' desire.

Cessation of self,
termination of separation,
Death aid us tonight,
in our dance of delight.
No space in between,
Death bring your mercy,
grace of dance complete,
wash us clean in effort spent.

Death rides tonight,
he bears his gift for us.
I am to dance in your arms,
to have a little death with you.

© 2015. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved.
kokopelle: (Cat Wet 1)
A friend bravely shared something going on in their life that I suspect many are feeling. Society gives us mixed messages about sex and sexual relations . Religion says one thing. Peers say another. Media says something else. At the heart of the matter is how YOU feel about it, and sometimes the intimate act of sex means less than the other things in life. Does this mean a person is less than those members of society who are sexual, and through this, are continuing humanity through procreation? That’s the topic the poem “I Wonder If” tries to tackle. There are no easy answers.


I Wonder If
Poem for Day 87 – 20141219

People describe sex
the same way I describe my passions:

Distracting
Consuming
Centering

I may bake a cake
and feel the same as they feel.
I may sing a song
and feel the energy surge through me.
Why am I judged
by the driven sex lives of others?
Are all my passions
the reason I cannot measure up to them?
My friends share with me
the power of intimacy in their lives.
My friends ask of me
if I have sex to the same degree.
I cannot answer
Yes.
I wonder if I
would be more grounded if I fooled around.
I wonder if I
need to put my passions down to feel alive.
I wonder if I
am normal enough for you.

© 2014. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved.
kokopelle: (Dark God)
This is a poem that could be about me, and if it were, it occurred many years ago. It is a cautionary tale of the outcome of heated encounters and their aftermath.


Sing Me a Song
Poem for Day 049 – 20141111

The night was bliss,
proceeded by a day of talking,
and walking through the fields.
Connections were made,
next to the fire,
followed by ourselves unconcealing.

Bodies bared to each other.
Yearnings satisfied in the dark.
She was so many contrary things,
and this is what I needed:
angel and succubus,
pleasure and pain.

We rested spent from the night.
It ended too soon,
the dawn interrupted our conjoining.
I could see her in the light,
revealed in her femininity whole,
she was a beautiful sight.

She sang me a song,
of loss and parting.
It was a country tune,
so sad and melancholy.
It spoke of love found,
it accused of love lost.

The night was bliss.
The morning was harsh.
Truthful statements laid at my feet.
I remember her fondly,
so many years ago,
and the song sang most true.

© 2014. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved.
kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
I am a third of the way through 90 days of poetry! Hurray. I believe that poetry should be family friendly! Poetry should also pull no punches! The melding of these two thoughts has resulted in the poem “Better Than [Kittens]”. It is about the orgasmic experience of dance, expressed in a family friendly way. Enjoy!

This poem is based on the [kittens]ual nature of dancing and the television show X-Play. On X-Play Morgan Webb and Adam Sessler would review games. REALLY GRAPHIC games had flurries of kitten faces super imposed on the screen to cover the content not suitable for broadcasting. It was cute and practical!


Better Than [Kittens]
Poem for Day 030 – 20141023

Lovely partner,
be my charmer.
Here on the dance floor
you're sure to score.
You know what comes next,
dancing is better than [kittens].

Dip and twirl,
swing and whirl,
arm in arm with you dear.
We've got bring this to term,
clear the decks,
dancing is better than [puppies].

My cheek to yours,
my knees feel weak.
Our bodies touch in motion,
my emotions are ecstatic.
What should I expect?
Dancing is better than [rainbows].

I am nearly spent,
by this mutual event.
We have joined as one,
our dance has reached climax.
Our desire was no longer held in check,
dancing is better than [kittens].

© 2014. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved.
kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
From 2007... an article for today posted for my friends (and myself) who struggle with such things.

In a previous post I said that sexuality and its expression are very complex. People can find themselves with many sexual appetites. Some have their root in nature and others in nurture. The expression of sexuality ranges from desires and action. Feeling lust and fulfilling the urges are not the same. These complexities create a spectrum from fantasy to actual actions. Sexuality cannot be put in tidy little boxes. Statements of "wait" and "don't do it" pale in the face of human drives. Deviancy is the norm. Perhaps that is an overstatement. A better statement would be that there are few 'norms' when the full expression of human sexuality is viewed.

What is deviancy? An incomplete definition would compare it to what people believe normality is. Again, I believe there are few 'norms' in the fuller breadth of human sexuality. There are societal expectations. These define what is approved by the society and what is not. Those who step outside of the society's boxes are labeled deviant. This does not make their actions bad, but it does place them in a place of nonsupport by the larger society.

Sexuality exists in our heads. We imagine and create a sexual world that bears only a passing resemblance others' realities. I believe that only a small fraction of these imagining are related to others. We are not so incredibly special that only you or I have a unique sexual thought. There are sexual "archetypes" that are not fully expressed by those who feel them. These archetypes are physically expressed when willing partner(s) are found. I believe that many of us walk around frustrated, our imaginings kept only to ourselves. The mantras of "don't do it" push these desires deeper. Those who deny the physical expression of their desires and continue to feed them internally run the risk of a "exploding" in some inappropriate or destructive way. I say that sex in the head may not be 'real, but it does have a drive and voice that must be addressed for the person to have a healthy life.

Sexuality exists in congress with others. I am a fan of consensual activities. I also believe that there is a place of hygiene, compassion and acknowledgment of life contracts. Hygiene speaks to being responsible and mature. Compassion adds an emotional component to the maturity. Life contracts are those agreements we have with people. Sexuality can create energetic bonds. We establish contracts with others so that bonds are guarded and respected. Simply put, don't make any promises you can't keep when it comes to sexual relationships. All of this rolls up into something I will call sexual integrity.

Sexual integrity is important no matter how 'deviant' the behavior is. The irony is that more extreme deviant behavior requires more sexual integrity. Deviancy moves people away from the norm of the bell curve. Reliable and matching partner(s) become more difficult to find. Those who are compatible are entrusted with the knowledge that the person is outside of societal norms. So, there is a reputation aspect as wells as any associated health issues. In my opinion, sustained deviancy requires more maturity than sexuality experienced "in the norm".

I'm a deviant in my own ways. I strongly suspect we all are. This is not important, as the measure of deviancy can be an artificial creation of the society or tribe. How can we turn those 'deviant' thoughts in our heads into reality? Find a tribe that supports your appetites. Then honor yourself and others. Sexuality is only part of a larger life. The healthy pursuit of your sexuality, no matter where it will take you, is just a part of who you are. Be safe, have fun, and celebrate complexity.

kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
Back in 2007 I wrote about the connection between sociopaths and sexuality.  I believe this is a good continuation about the dark side of sacred sex.  What I call a spiritual leadership position is called a predatory opportunity by a sociopath!  From 2007:

I recently wrote about the lovely Olivia d'Abo who had a repeated role on "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" as a sociopathic criminal. She is one of the few people who managed to go toe-to-toe with Detective Goren. In jest I said, "It's official. A sociopath can be sexy."

A live journal friend added the comment, "Most sociopaths actually exude a charm and sexuality that draws people into them, they are commonly extremely intelligent (genius intelligence) and 'charming.' A sociopath can definitely be sexy."

This got me wondering (once again) about the nature of the sociopathic mind. I've written about the "honest villain" and the sociopath does not seem to be this person. I found an online article that does an excellent job of dissecting various sorts of social maladjustment. The article has these attributes associated with the sociopath are: Exaggerated sexuality; Excessive boasting; Risk taking; Inability to resist temptation. These seem sexy. The sociopath is also credited with: Antagonistic, deprecating attitude toward the opposite sex; Lack of interest in bonding with a mate. These are NOT sexy, or perhaps they are if one considers the "bad boy" and "bad girl" archetypes. Very interesting associations that seem to support the original LJ comments,
kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
In a previous blog entry I wrote about the dark side of sacred sex. In this blog I share a tool for determining if a religious or secular group is dangerous.

In review, the dark side of sacred sex appears when authority mixes with sexual desire. The result of authority + sexual desire is the transformation of seduction into coercion. The mutual choice of two becomes the unwanted harassment of one. In the background of this travesty of “spiritual sex” is the drum beat that everything is OK. It is a dangerous combination. The positive message of “Sex positive” is replaced with sex demanded by authority, with the supposed support of higher spiritual powers.

Take 2 of this topic shares the The Advanced Bonewits’ Cult Danger Evaluation Frame (ABCDEF) designed by the late Isaac Bonewits.  More information on this tool can be found at this website

The description of this useful tool follows:

The purpose of this evaluation tool is to help both amateur and professional observers, including current or would-be members, of various organizations (including religious, occult, psychological or political groups) to determine just how dangerous a given group is liable to be, in comparison with other groups, to the physical and mental health of its members and of other people subject to its influence. It cannot speak to the “spiritual dangers,” if any, that might be involved, for the simple reason that one person’s path to enlightenment or “salvation” is often viewed by another as a path to ignorance or “damnation.”

Version 2.6 of ABCDEF has the user rank each item with a value between 1 and 10, with 1 being low and 10 being high.
While only two of the measurements deal with sexuality directly, the dynamics of sexual interactions cover a wider breadth. Many more of the points can relate to leadership's control over the sexual actions of their followers.

  • Internal Control: Amount of internal political and social power exercised by leader(s) over members; lack of clearly defined organizational rights for members.
  • External Control: Amount of external political and social influence desired or obtained; emphasis on directing members’ external political and social behavior.
  • Wisdom/Knowledge Claimed by leader(s); amount of infallibility declared or implied about decisions or doctrinal/scriptural interpretations; number and degree of unverified and/or unverifiable credentials claimed.
  • Wisdom/Knowledge Credited to leader(s) by members; amount of trust in decisions or doctrinal/scriptural interpretations made by leader(s); amount of hostility by members towards internal or external critics and/or towards verification efforts.
  • Dogma: Rigidity of reality concepts taught; amount of doctrinal inflexibility or “fundamentalism;” hostility towards relativism and situationalism.
  • Recruiting: Emphasis put on attracting new members; amount of proselytizing; requirement for all members to bring in new ones.
  • Front Groups: Number of subsidiary groups using different names from that of main group, especially when connections are hidden.
  • Wealth: Amount of money and/or property desired or obtained by group; emphasis on members’ donations; economic lifestyle of leader(s) compared to ordinary members.
  • Sexual Manipulation of members by leader(s) of non-tantric groups; amount of control exercised over sexuality of members in terms of sexual orientation, behavior, and/or choice of partners.
  • Sexual Favoritism: Advancement or preferential treatment dependent upon sexual activity with the leader(s) of non-tantric groups.
  • Censorship: Amount of control over members’ access to outside opinions on group, its doctrines or leader(s).
  • Isolation: Amount of effort to keep members from communicating with non-members, including family, friends and lovers.
  • Dropout Control: Intensity of efforts directed at preventing or returning dropouts.
  • Violence: Amount of approval when used by or for the group, its doctrines or leader(s).
  • Paranoia: Amount of fear concerning real or imagined enemies; exaggeration of perceived power of opponents; prevalence of conspiracy theories.
  • Grimness: Amount of disapproval concerning jokes about the group, its doctrines or its leader(s).
  • Surrender of Will: Amount of emphasis on members not having to be responsible for personal decisions; degree of individual disempowerment created by the group, its doctrines or its leader(s).
  • Hypocrisy: amount of approval for actions which the group officially considers immoral or unethical, when done by or for the group, its doctrines or leader(s); willingness to violate the group’s declared principles for political, psychological, social, economic, military, or other gain.
kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
Maybe I'm getting older and more conservative. Naw, but this blog entry has that flavor in its own rambling kind of way. My apologies!

Some background on me first. I am a pagan going back a bit. I attended my share of pagan festivals / gatherings where I sold used books and very much enjoyed myself. I on the shamanistic path and my lovely mate is more classically pagan. I've seen and heard a lot about how sexuality plays out in the pagan landscape, and I have to say that I wonder sometimes.

I recently read a blog that started with the paragraph:

Witches (along with many other denominations of Paganism) view sex as sacred. The Charge of the Goddess says that all acts of love and pleasure are rituals of the Goddess, and not only do I believe that to be true, it's one of the things that drew me to this religion. In many ways, we're more open about sex (some of us say that we're more "sex positive") than the members of many/most other religions.

Love and pleasure, also known as sex, is a really really complicated thing. Sex means so many things to so many people. Some see sex as a holy relic, only brought out on the sacred holidays. Others see sex as a playground. Others see sex as an avenue to full realization of life. Many are just horny and like to get it when they can. This stew of motivations seems far to complex for a statement “all acts of love and pleasure are rituals of the Goddess”.

My normally open attitude towards sex has issues with the statement I shared earlier: “all acts of love and pleasure are rituals of the Goddess”. Why? It is with a heavy heart that I look back at the things I am aware of first and second hand. This spiritual expression of “love and pleasure” is fraught with peril for most involved. My pessimistic attitude about pagan attitudes towards sex can be traced back to my feeling that sexuality is complicated, people are fallible, and damn just horny. These three factors can combine in horrible ways when religious authority meets sexual desire.

The result of authority + sexual desire is the transformation of seduction into coercion. The mutual choice of two becomes the unwanted harassment of one. In the background of this travesty of “spiritual sex” is the drum beat that everything is OK. It is a dangerous combination. The positive message of “Sex positive” is replaced with sex demanded by authority, with the supposed support of higher spiritual powers.

If I'm pagan, why don't I buy into the “everything goes, no matter the means or outcome, because the spiritual is served? I'm not a prude. I bend toward the kinky side, with a dose of realizing that sex, in all its forms, is a beneficial attractor between us human types.  I very much admire the beauty of the human body. I am enraptured by beauty and appreciate others doing so as well. The place where I deviate is that my spiritual mantra would be something like “all my relations”. This sentiment carries the demand for respectfulness, and when necessary, wariness. I may choose to indulge in many things, but I do it with respect for myself and the one or more other participants.

Are all pagans self-serving sexual predators because it is their spiritual mandate? Of course not! Most don't have the authority to pull the power trips required to coerce the unwilling. Most are decent horny adults with liberated attitudes towards sexuality. The actual percentage of predators is very small, but the warning I pass onto the reader is that these sexual predators are hidden behind positional power and a convenient spiritual mandate. Here are some warning signs (borrowed and modified from another blog) for the pagans you want to avoid:

•  Does their advance scare or alarm you?
•  Have you made clear made it clear to them that you are uninterested in their advances, and they still persist?
•  Is their "spiritual message" just a uninvited assessment on your attractiveness/body/genitals?
•  Does the context of this situation (spiritual truth, sacred ritual) make a direct sexual advance offensive or inappropriate?
•  Are they just being a bit of a dick?

A yes to any of these should ring the alarm bells. All nos could mean that you want to play with the authority figure in naughty ways. Go for it! Remember respect for yourself, those you play with, and whatever spiritual path you may follow.
kokopelle: (Sinfest - Fear the Pussy)

Spirituality and sexuality are intertwined in the human experience. I've indulged in some. I've danced around the others. This blog entry is about a root commonality of seeming incongruent spiritual path: the sexual narrative.


I recently read a blog that started with the paragraph:

Witches (along with many other denominations of Paganism) view sex as sacred. The Charge of the Goddess says that all acts of love and pleasure are rituals of the Goddess, and not only do I believe that to be true, it's one of the things that drew me to this religion. In many ways, we're more open about sex (some of us say that we're more "sex positive") than the members of many/most other religions. Similarly, we're more likely to be quite accepting of QLTBG, etc. sex/sexuality/identity, polyamory, public nudity, and various less-than-mainstream forms of sexual expression than the members of many other religions. Our on-line discussions and our festivals and conferences often reflect this reality.

This got me thinking about expressions of sexuality and the shadow sides of religions. I found the first sentence to be especially interesting. A quick search on Google revealed a tantric oriented article that said:

Why is sex sacred? The dictionary defines sacred as "made or declared holy, dedicated or devoted exclusively to a use, purpose, or person worthy of reverence or respect." The word itself comes from the Latin, sacra meaning "sacred, holy, consecrated," that is, blessed or revered. The noun (singular) is sacrum, meaning a holy thing or place.

Another Google plunge found a Christian oriented page that said:

Sacred sex should be "rooted in a sacrificial dying to yourself in such a way that means laying your will, pride and needs on the altar while considering the other as more important than yourself. ...The two partners share much more than some moments of passion. They share their secrets, their hearts' DNA, their fears, their hopes, their failures and even so much as their 'treasures of darkness and hidden wealth of secret places.'"

The long of the short of it is that pagan's don't have the market cornered on believing sexuality is sacred. There are many spiritual paths that feature their stand on sexuality front and center. The reasoning seems simple enough. People think about sex. Sex is a motivational driver. Any spiritual path worth anything will address the topic, and do so in a way that satisfies those who will embrace the path.

This gets really interesting when you consider the message of each spiritual path, and then consider where it seeks to connect with the follower. We are all wired a little differently, with varying fears, desires and convictions.  Every spiritual path has a narrative that hooks and feeds the adherents. Does your spiritual path have a sexual narrative that you connect with?
kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
I've seen a meme on Facebook that states:

Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever been a stripper?
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever been to a strip club.

Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever done porn?
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever watched porn.

You’re the reason we exist.
You’re the demand to our supply.
If you disdain sex workers, don’t you dare consume our labor.

As they say in the industry, “People jack off with the left hand and point with the right.”
 
This interests me on so many levels.  I agree with the sentiments.  I also feel that the meme is underhanded and mean spirited.  Why would I think that when I agree with 99.99% of the meme?  Ahhhhh... the issue is that of self-serving memes and the complicity of human desires.

My thinking on the subject... )

And what makes the meme mean spirited?  The true hypocrypts won't see this meme, and if they do, they will say that the devil made them do it.   At the best the meme raises awareness of the unfairness of the world.  Yeah, we need that.  At its worst the meme is whine that begs for cheese.  It also paints a VERY broad brush across people who are victims instead of aggressors.  Just because a person is a closet kink dosen't mean they are in the pointing hand group. Being a kink should bring humility.



Messy Sex

Jun. 2nd, 2007 09:23 am
kokopelle: Horse Totem (Sinfest - Vice in a Can)
In a previous post I said that sexuality and its expression are very complex. People can find themselves with many sexual appetites. Some have their root in nature and others in nurture. The expression of sexuality ranges from desires and action. Feeling lust and fulfilling the urges are not the same. These complexities create a spectrum from fantasy to actual actions. Sexuality cannot be put in tidy little boxes. Statements of "wait" and "don't do it" pale in the face of human drives. Deviancy is the norm. Perhaps that is an overstatement. A better statement would be that there are few 'norms' when the full expression of human sexuality is viewed.

Read more... )

I'm a deviant in my own ways. I strongly suspect we all are. This is not important, as the measure of deviancy can be an artificial creation of the society or tribe. How can we turn those 'deviant' thoughts in our heads into reality? Find a tribe that supports your appetites. Then honor yourself and others. Sexuality is only part of a larger life. The healthy pursuit of your sexuality, no matter where it will take you, is just a part of who you are. Be safe, have fun, and celebrate complexity.
kokopelle: (Sinfest - Bondage Ranger)
A dear and insightful friend of mine wrote:
Read more... )
kokopelle: Horse Totem (Default)
This is an off-beat topic I found while going back through my past correspondence. With a goal of writing something everyday (when possible), there is going to be some odd (and hopefully interesting!) things coming up.

Relationship bliss is sometimes challenged by the relative monogamy of the partners. On person is accused of being unfaithful. The other person is accused of being smothering. Both care for each other. What’s going on?

People can to be put into boxes labeled (more) swinger and (more) puritan. These labels are intended to be tendencies and not a way of life. The two seem to be at odds with each other, with the swinger chafing at the restrictions of the puritan and the puritan is wounded by the wanderings of the swinger.

The core motivations for the swinger and the puritan can vary. Some are positive, or at the least, neutral. There are self-loving shadow motivations that I want to mention. The swinger may be seeking comfort and love outside of themselves, when what the swinger really needs to do is to find that love within. The outcome is that the swinger cannot settle on one person because nobody can supply our own inner happiness. The puritan also has a deficit of self-love. Instead of seeking widely for it outwardly, the puritan finds a source of outward love and becomes the obsessive miser of the object of the love.

This sets up weird dichotomies. Consider the archetypal male that fools around while keeping the female locked up, away from others. This male very much has a puritan attitude towards his wife and a swinger attitude towards the rest of the world. This male is seeking for love outwardly while locking up the only "real" love they have found. Both actions are a lie and the entire archetype is doubly destructive.

How can the troubling contrast between swinger and puritan be healed? The answer is for each to move away from their shadows, those actions that sabotage instead of facilitate, and move towards the common desire for a healthy relationship. Sometimes people move apart when the differences do not allow compromise. Irregardless of the outcome – together or separate – the challenge is to learn from the experience, deepen the wisdom of relationships, and heal yourself.

Does this ring true with anybody? What are your experiences with swingers and puritans?

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