Selfishness and Self-Image

[kokopelle]

A recent blog caused a dialog about the nature of mankind. Are we another animal or are we more? A common touchstone was the selfishness of man. In a previous article I listed the following guidelines for dealing with the selfishness of others.

IMPORTANT RULES FOR SELFISHNESS:

Expect the worst – you are dealing with selfish people
Remember people are as bad as you

If we remember this you will:

Never be disillusioned
Never disappointed
Never "let down"
Never feel rejected

Congratulations, you are becoming aware now. Where does this leave the aware person? You can now:

Expect yourself and others to be selfish
See your own self-interest - refined or course.

Here is an important memory device if you are feeling stressed out by the actions of others and you forget the rules of selfishness:

I am an ass, you are an ass, so where’s the problem?

I post this to show that I am not a "everything is light and love" type guy. These rules were stated in an article about people thinking they are doing good, being generous, and yet they are being selfish. This is the "positive" side of selfishness. There are others sides. My recent blog responses showcased the "negative" side of selfishness. This brought some thoughts to my mind. In psychology there is the theory of projection. In projection, those things that we like the least about ourselves become those things that we take issue in others. The person who is a gossip also notices others who gossip. The person who is vain cannot help but notice those who are also vain. Our experience, good bad or ugly, directs our observations. NOTE: This is true for the good and bad (positive and challenged?) aspects of ourselves.

A question... if the selfishness of man can be seen in a good or bad light, what does this say about those who see man as merely an animal, victim to the selfish physical and emotional needs? While this may be a "realistic" stance, does too much of a focus on this side of man inform the individual of where they own self-image is? Is there not something more to aspire to? Can we rise to any "spiritual" state while we focus on the shortcomings of our life situations? Food for thought...

Comments

[iskender.livejournal.com]

My initial thoughts: just because we're an animal doesn't mean that we're destined to be anything. We're an animal with certain capacities. A chimp can do more with his life than a hedgehog, and we can do more than a chimp. Admitting our animal existence tells us nothing about our natures--it just opens our eyes to seeing our natures.

Also, your list says that remembering the reality of selfishness will prevent us from being disillusioned, disappointed, let down, or rejected. That is a bit too much polish on it, I feel.

I know I'm selfish, but I've still been disappointed in myself. And even knowing that others are selfish (which I do), I have been disappointed with them. That's because, as I've said before regarding trust on this journal, disappointment stems from expectations and expectations often stem from behavior, not motivation. I can know someone's selfish but if they act in a certain way, make promises, earn my trust through their honesty and reliability, and then they betray me, forget, act carelessly... I'm going to be disappointed. We don't usually deal with other people's motivations. We deal with their actions. Understanding their motivations just helps us understand them and forgive them when they injure our trust.

Philosophy hung-over

[apocalypsegrrl.livejournal.com]

if the selfishness of man can be seen in a good or bad light, what does this say about those who see man as merely an animal, victim to the selfish physical and emotional needs?

If man is an animal, then he is the most unnatural animal in existance. This is only because, he is probably the only animal that sits and contemplates whether he is an animal or not.

...sorry, that was just the first thing to come to mind.

I'll probably print out your rules and tape them on my wall, since that is pretty much the creed by which I live my life. And as you already went into, it has it's good and bad points. The good points for me are a kind of release from a lot of stress that I see other people getting caught up in. Like at work, it's a lot easier for me to deal with snippy, uptight sales people jumping down my throat when I realize that the only thing in their mind is their commission- that I exist as either an obstacle or help to achieving that end pretty much rules how I'm treated. They aren't looking at me as a person and I'm okay with that, because to me, they aren't people either, but someone from the Sales department. I don't get as upset if someone shoves me aside to get the last seat on the subway because a)god knows I've done it myself a lot and b) when I have done it, I usually don't even notice who I'm shoving- they're an obstacle to my goal, that's all. Once I've gotten the seat, they cease to exist to me at all, just like they don't about me after they've gotten the seat they wanted.

[iskender.livejournal.com]

Agreed as far as focus--attention and concentration are one thing. Exclusive obsession? That's another. It's a fine line, but you have to change focus every so often to maintain a greater sense of perspective.

As far as what your desired spiritual state is, there is a lot of variability. But I don't take seriously those ideals that deny the bestial or the material. We may be beings of thought or spirit or energy or whatever, but we also eat and breathe and crawl about the surface of the earth. Progress, in my mind, comes from understanding reality and working upon its lessons. Learn enough and you can start to unravel the truths that you learned earlier. So it's possible that we can surpass the animal, the human, the material. But it won't be through denial.

[valleysailor.livejournal.com]

Your entry reminded me of a cross-stitch I did years ago:
"Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall never be disappointed."

I think in this day and time, those might be words for us all to live by.