Journey to Ixtlan

The poem “Snapper’s Prompt” is about my discomfort with the “sexy photo” side of photographic world. There are positive reasons for a model to participate in the production of adult leaning photography. Earning a living and embracing body positivity come to mind. In fact, I support those who are employed by the sex industry. I instead have concern with the photographers: peddlers and purveyors of the sexy photos. This may not make sense. I have a line of thought that helps explain this, though it is not a catch-all defense. I also embrace the submissive side of BDSM while being suspicious of those who play the dominate partner role. Truthfully, I don’t trust dominates as a whole. This applies to business and religion also. While the sub/dom relationship can be balanced and supportive for both parties, the door is WAY too opened to the dominate exploiting a situation. They ask for things that they can not deliver. Going back to photographer, they may ask for perfectly perverted beauty, but they may be plain and unattractive themselves. Their motivations are instead the photographer’s matched perversion. In my mind, for good or bad, I see the photographer as the dominate in the relationship between model and photographer. There can be good there (not all photographers, not all doms), but I am so very uncomfortable about where the abuses can go.


Snapper’s Prompt

The nipples stiffen against the gaze
by the eye that will project
skin revealed and rest promised
to a world thirsts for flesh
the camera driven to share so much
by the one that clicks the shot
with a goal less than pure
buying fame with lusting coins

the enterprise takes more than one
the subject seeking their renown
or a pittance for their part
expressing all to find their worth
it’s their face and body pressed
into service that angel’s dread
serving wants below the belt
yearnings itched by photographs

look not to Heaven for resolve
why the two feed a world
with one posing for all to see
the other hiding behind eyepiece
each with a reason to embrace
intimate natures most obscure
disclosing purest fantasy
shutter’s eye bears falsehood

that human nature to exalt
what’s not had near at hand
exploitation is firmly pressed
while the world looks away
then quick to gaze on the result
drinking in the honeyed taint
spun from flesh made erect
in response to snapper’s prompt.

© 2018. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20180805.

Sometimes people tell me that a picture of them wasn't good... and I look at it and say WHAT. For the record I toss all the really horrid pics. Only the beautiful ones are left. The poem "The Perfect Imperfect" ponders the perfection of the seen imperfect.


The Perfect Imperfect

The moment was of nearly grace
perfection on the edge of space
yet there was something there
that marred the ideal place.

That little thing most could not see
manifest large in the eyes of thee
your ire was felt inside
others do not grasp the why.

Know my friend, dear subject
of this photo not meant to hurt
instead the intent was to praise
the beauty you may not claim.

The smile may be absent
or the attention distressed
neither of these matter
when the soul is revered.

The imaged captured the slice of time
only present in eternal's blink
never to arrive this way again
such is the magic an image brings.

The veil of the future will hold this dear
the blemishes not seen after all the years.
An echo of past lost to that present
will warm the heart in photo's presence.

© 2016, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved, 20160524.

Sometimes I almost feel like a stalker when I am photographing dancers. On top of that I'm not above having favorites. The poem “I See Your Beauty” attempts to explain my relationship with the beauty of others, my desire to have the rest of the world to see it, and the boundaries of this interplay. The poem reflects the result: a purposeful battle of desire and discretion.


I See Your Beauty
Poem for Day 116 – 20150426

I see your beauty,
and raise you again,
that a more fair visage
could not grace
my vision, my world,
here on this night.

I desire no indulgences
beyond life's stations
assigned to us now.

I see your beauty,
seek to capture it,
to take nothing from you,
and give the world,
everything it needs
to know God's grace
bestowed upon us.

I desire nothing beyond
what I can capture
from photo or poem oblique.

I see your beauty,
Your dress, your hair,
your smile, your poise,
all of this and more
speaks to my love,
my longing to see
life's true splendour.

I desire only that,
the ability to remember
the image of another.

I see your beauty,
nothing more I can say.
I show your beauty,
male or female,
it matters not,
when heaven's rapture
visits here this night.

© 2015. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved

Social dancing teaches me a lot about life. I've had joyful moments and painful lessons. Often the two, the moments and the lessons, have had a common denominator. The thing I want to talk about today, the denominator at hand, is how to be assertive. This topic of being assertive comes to mind because I experience it every week at dance events. I also had a joyful and painful encounter with it at MonsterCon, a local comic book / toy / cosplay convention.

I attended MonsterCon and took lots of photos. Friday and Saturday were mostly about taking photos of the attendees in their creative cosplay costumes. Sunday I focused on the celebrities, film & media, writers, artists, & press, cosplay & modeling, and fan groups. My method for taking these photos was pretty simple. I went to a group's booth and told them that I was taking pictures of the guests, and could I please take their picture. Nobody said no. Before or after the photos I had the pleasure of some interesting conversations with a number of the guests. All and all the guest photography was a really neat exercise in being assertive.

There was a downside to my assertion exercise. I couldn't bring myself to ask the top guests, the really famous ones, for the chance to document their being at the convention. I just wanted to share that they were at the convention and honor their participation. It didn't happen in a handful of cases because I was not assertive enough. I was freaking out about the relative importance of these guests. Heavy sigh. I asked my lovely wife about today and she said that none of these guests would have said no. Besides, I was asking before taking their pictures, so they did have the option to say no. Maybe I'll do better next year.

I want to bring the conversation back around to social dancing. Be the dancing contra or swing, the social part begins when somebody asks another person to dance. The lucky ones are asked to dance, but this is not always a sure thing. Too many times I've some phenomenal dancers sitting out a dance because nobody asked them to participate. A more sure fire way to dance is to ask somebody. Listen... this can take a pile of guts. Going up to a stranger, or somebody you know who is too awesome for words, and then asking them to dance, can be freaking intimidating. The unfun part of social dancing happens when nobody asks you to dance and you're not up to asking other people.

Is asking a person to dance just a number game? I mean, isn't being assertive easy when the odds are in your favor? I was at a swing dance recently and spoke to an incredibly dynamic experienced dancer about asking people to dance. They had written about an inexperienced dancer asking my experienced friend for a dance. We looked around and saw several guys just standing on the sidelines. Here's the scoop on swing dancing and contra dancing: the gals outnumber the guys. The gals really want to dance, and here were two guys not doing their part! My friend was kinda peeved about the situation, and I don't blame them. These guys had the odds in their favor, but they still had problems being assertive.

A bit of personal sharing and then I'll wrap up this article! I usually don't mind asking the lovely ladies to dance. This comes from years of practice. I have to say that I've been rarely turned down when I ask somebody to dance. That's why they are there! I have been turned down because my timing was off, and they already had a partner, but the overwhelming responses to my dance requests have been positive. Does this keep doubt from sabotaging me? Nope. There are some incredible ladies that I still am reluctant to ask for a dance because I don't feel I'm good enough. Sigh. Would they say yes? Of course! Darn you doubt.

What is doubt doing? How can we overcome it and become assertive? The key is to remember that doubt is 99% us. Doubt is you speaking to yourself. There have been times when I've been ready to leave a dance because I did not feel good enough. Doubt had a stranglehold on me, but guess what, that was me screwing with myself. I asked myself to stand aside. I was there to dance and so where other people. The trick was to step around that doubting side of myself and seek the other side of the social equation, my fellow dancers.

Let's wrap this up. Social dancing works when somebody asks somebody else to dance. Taking photos of everyone at a convention works when I am brave enough to ask EVERYONE. People at a dance, and at a convention, are there for a reason. Dancers want to dance. Star guests at a convention want to interact with attendees. The thing that gets in the way are our doubts. Am I good enough? Will they say yes? The answer is yes and yes (probably!). Does a person say no because they aren't ready to dance at all? Well, that is another issue. That's their doubt. Move on and find somebody else. Would you like to dance with me? Ask me! I don't say no. The easiest way to learn assertiveness is to practice it over and over again. The good news is that social dancing will give you lots of opportunities. The painful lessons may be there, but they will surely transform into many joyful moments.

Many of us live in closets of a various types. A recent experience on Facebook pointed this out.   I recently photographed at a swing dance event. Today I found out that a girl got in trouble because of my pictures. The story is a sad example of why closets exist. A mother saw a picture and thought her daughter had attended the event.

The girl's parents are heavy Baptist and have told her many things, including threatened to end her job because they thought she was there in the photos even though she was not. The girl's car was taken, she is not allowed to see anyone, and she has been banned from going to her first ball, Her mother told her outright she is no longer a Christian as well.

Swing dance is good clean fun with a minimum of sexual innuendo when compared to most dancing. Still, dancing is evil to the girl's parents. They must have suspected that he girl was capable of doing it if a misidentification was possible. Was she really not there? I don't know, but I do suspect that a closet was opened because of the pictures.

I'm having a good time converting my color pics to black and white. Black and white becomes a study in contrasts. Distracting colors are stripped away and form takes the front stage. I think the appeal of this is that life is about shades of gray. Black and white allows us to consider another world.

Today I installed the Christmas presents that my lovely wife got me: Adobe Photoshop Elements 12 and Adobe Photoshop LIghtroom 5.  I try to update my elements every year.  I don't see big changes from 12 to 11, but it is good to be current.  LIghtroom is a new application for me and I am trying it out for processing catalogs.  She also got me a game, but that's just for fun!

I saw a documentary on Eddie Adams. He was an incredibly talented photographer who was also depressed. He created incredible images that others appreciated but he struggled to create the perfect photo that would make him happy, for a time. A friend of his commented that the work involved in creating a commercial photo bled them of creativity. The round and round of picking the photo, tweaking it, approving it, rinse and repeat, had its toil.

I can relate, though I don’t sell my photos. Instead I can relate that over working or analysis of a photo can remove the magic. I hope to avoid this to some degree. I take many photos, sometimes over thousand. I then review them and chuck out the ones that just don’t work at all. I then go through them and look at the one by one. I look for something special in their composition or look for a series of photos that express a wonderful move. These are kept and the thousand is cut in half. These have some magic by my estimation, and it is these that I share with others. I hope I choose well!

I picked up another 4TB drive to accommodate all the pictures I've taken since December of 2007. Hard to believe that was only six years. The past two years probably account for most of the space. The high res pics can take up to five gig of raw pics. I keep these and tweak copies, eventually ending up with the stuff I post on Facebook. All my pics are now on an older 4TB drive with only 300 GB to spare. So... I'm going to back up all this to the new drive and then start on some new 3 TB drives. Fun fun fun...