Anger Question

[kokopelle]

Question... what do you do, or what have you done, when you are feeling a lot of anger with no 'proper' avenues of release/expression?

I feel like I would destroy my world and the relationships in it if I vented in certain directions. Some rearranging would be nice, but I don't think the 'friendly fire' casualties would be worth the outcome.

thanks!

Comments

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I have a crossbow. I know how to use it. I keep lots of bolts hanging about, cleverly disguised as decorations.

*WEG*

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

DAMN. I want to be able to say that!

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Its a bit odd how often one can use bolts in a decorating scheme - my favorite is hiding them among collections of branches in vases, throw a few in an umbrella stand, tape one to a toilet brush, lie them atop picture frames, create interesting collages of Asian characters by arranging them on a wall. Its turned into a bit of a game now, where can we hide a bolt in the house. Drives guests batty, but now they are in on it.

Background involves a "How to Host a Murder party", a joke that refused to die and a lot of margaritas.

I can't believe I'm volunteering this information

*headdesk*

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

You know, crossbows are remarkably satisfying in an evil sort of way. That much power in your hands, the oddly lenient laws regarding them, and just the sheer devilry of being able to send a bolt through three hay bales in your backyard.

Start out with a crossbow pistol, they go really cheap. Bonus: you can hide the bolts as a hair piece, in a pen caddy, along your ear, cigar case, chopstick collection...

And you know, there's nothing that strikes fear in a man's heart as much as a crazy woman with a crossbow aimed at his crotch. Just saying.

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

Usually I cut myself, break things, or commit some act of violence. At this stage I'm not very good at managing my anger, though I do collect old plates with the specific intention of shattering them. It's very therapeutic, and it doesn't bother me to be doing it with an object like that as opposed to my artwork.

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

Hey . . . I'm betting 'cause your other comments are so on point that you have lots of backup, but don't hesitate to ask if there's anything I can do to help when you're faced with the cutting thing and want a different choice. That's tough levels of pain.

Have you ever tried drawing on yourself with felt tip instead of cutting? I have heard that recommended, but have only a tiny bit of experience.

I'm PTSD to the max myself, altho don't generally use LiveJournal as part of my healing. (Never leave a trail, and never document and all that.)

I always find your work and your comments just amazing.

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

I have tried drawing, and breaking things, and a few other things (like destroying art, ooo that one was soul-destroying). The thing is, nothing works as well as cutting at this point, just nothing, so eventually I'm just hoping that I stop running away from what causes that cutting (overwhelming emotion) and learn how to just 'experience' without reacting in such a way.

As for C-PTSD, yeah the leaving a trail thing makes me paranoid sometimes. Almost all of my stuff of any consequence is under filter, and I go back through about once every 6 months and do a mass culling of entries. But these days I am trying to tell myself that it is better out than in, or at the very least, that surely I have nothing to be ashamed of. Plus those on LiveJournal who are on the filter, tend to be either supportive, or bear silent witness to some of the events which caused the disorder. It feels kinda good to have that, especially as in 'real life,' my support network is my partner who is often doing other things, and my psychologist.

Thanks for your kind comments too. I was tempted to friend you but noticed you had a small friends list and wondered if that was because of privacy and didn't want to intrude. However, if you don't mind, I will friend you. Someone who likes spirituality and also has PTSD? I'm a sucker for that, even if you don't talk about it. *blush*

[greensh.livejournal.com]

I'd cut myself too deep if I could bring myself to do that. It would be an easy way to "feel" my way right out of this life, so hence I don't even go there.

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're most welcome in my journal if it serves you.

So your linguistic skills include an aptitude for reading between the lines, eh? I don't talk about stuff, because I don't want to get stuck and let things define me. I'm also primarily a kinesthetic/intuitive learner, and find it really difficult to deal with the deepest places where I really live in words.

Yeah . . .I'm extremely private (pathologically shy) but I'm trying to work my way out of that. It's kind of like trying to dig your way out of alcatraz with a spoon, but -- hey, everybody needs a hobby --

I'm not a very good LJ citizen so if I fail to observe the obligatory rituals about commenting and stuff, it's nothing personal . . . just me being me.

[anchasta.livejournal.com]

With the breaking stuff...ever glued it back together? Or in new shapes? Mosaics are a great therapy for me, at least.

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

Mastering anger is the key to the wellness you're seeking.

I believe that developing appropriate anger release/expression is the work of the spiritual warrior and essential for meaningful teaching.

The toolkit that works is a varied and as deep as all the ways someone didn't learn anger mastery at the appropriate child development stage. Others disagree, but I feel that real help requires breakthrough techniques tailored to the individual.

In your case, since journaling is clearly something that works for you, I would recommend an anger journal, LOCKED where you can write down and write out whatever comes up in the most INAPPROPRIATE way possible. Freedom to be inappropriate is one of the best tools to put appropriateness in your range.

I would recommend something physical as well. When I'm really angry and can't get outside, I take a stack of magazines and tear them up into confetti. The next step is to do that while TALKING to someone who can be a clear witness.

For chronic anger issues, I garden with a big knife almost everyday. Take THAT you evil weed!!!!

Other anger tools I have used: breaking asphalt with a sledge hammer, transplanting trees, burning things, fiction writing, swimming, running, walking,

Anger tools that others I know have used: Punching bags (very successful!) Breaking glass Breaking clay pidgeons Collaging, Cause Advocacy Model Mugging Painting Sculpture Beating a pillow with a tennis racket

Anger tools that other I know have used that I do not recommend: Naming each chicken before butchering on the farm, developing a hatred for irises (the flower) and gleefully ripping them out of the ground and throwing them into the street at ever newly purchased rental house, remodeling regularly with a chain saw. I suggest that anything involving power tools is a BAD IDEA.

Some people have success with animal totem work to help manage anger, but that always seems problematic to me.

Many people need human help that can meet them where they are in the midst of their anger.

Books aren't much help in the moment, but as a reference, the best book I know has a really stupid title: From Anger to Foregiveness by Earnie Larsen. http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Forgiveness-Practical-Achieving-Reconciliation/dp/0345379829

[greensh.livejournal.com]

I manage a large part of my anger by turning it inward. Classically a BIG mistake. I don't break objects. I instead break my life via passive aggressive behavior and self-sabotage. I'd probably do better if I did have a stick to whack things with. For now I spin out bits of myself, freeing them/me from the grasp of anger.

Journaling works well for me. Things are brought out and processed. I can say things in my journal that I cannot say person-to-person, even with those most close to me. Yes, this points to room for improvement, but one has to start somewhere.

I am finding that locking/filtering is important. Some people find written processing to be uncomfortable. I've had feedback that my journaling is an "intellectual" experience that is potentially harmful to those around me. It has been inferred that I was escaping into my head. Nope.

Well, all I can say is that they have their opinion of action and perception of harm. Mine works differently. It is OK if journaling does not work for them. They can not read it, or if they are going to read some of my stuff but don't want to view processing portion, I should set up a filter out of compassion for them. At this point I just filter, when needed, to the LJ friends level. I've not had feedback that more is required.

My personal experiences and choices

[madfedor.livejournal.com]

Before I knew about ego-loss (as a temporary aspect of shamanic journeying), I considered my anger toxic and was (in my rational moments) afraid of it as well as of showing it.

One of the lessons I learned is that any strong emotion is capable of damage to self, others or both. Any strong emotion.

Our culture (moreso now than ever, says this 51-year-old) places strong negative value on responding to strong emotions; paradoxically, it implies condoning anyone who "gets there first".

So, my choices have become two-fold: I acknowledge my feelings; I acknowledge that I cannot own the responses of others to my feelings. If I have a strong emotion to express, and people who know me (and even people who don't know me) assume just from the strength of the feeling that I mean them harm, I refuse to be responsible for that assumption being wrong. Further, I accept any response to my expression, based on true or false assumption as it may be.

Just as others must not take my strong emotions personally, neither must I take their responses personally.

I recognize that there are many questions raised by my personal assertions. I promise to read them; I don't promise to know the answers. ;-D

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[greensh.livejournal.com]

I believe your personal assertions are dot-on. Kudos. You'll have no questions from me.

Well, maybe one (smile). I find your statement, that any strong emotion is capable of damage, to be intriguing. Would you include events like a parent seeing their child for the first time? Does this strong "positive" emotion create a place in time that is damaging later?

Here is another way to look at my question. Ecstatic events (referencing shamanic things here) can be very powerful. This is one of the draws for those who attempt to recreate them via religion or drugs. Does the inability to directly revisit the ecstatic (emotional) state set people up for difficult times later?

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[madfedor.livejournal.com]

Hm. I really think you are asking two separate and distinct questions. I'll just type what comes to mind...

The superficial answer to all strong emotions is perspective. My deep and abiding, loving passion for person A could be the ultimate insult to person B; the scenarios around that are numerous. As a parent, my imagination can easily come up with one scenario on the baby example: determining in that moment to protect that child from all harm, and raising hir to be completely cut off from the rest of the world; that would be, from my POV, a huge injury to the child.

Actually, with a work issue looming in the next couple of minutes, I'll just tease you on the shamanic side: in my experience, ecstatic states are valuable precisely because they allow the person to see beyond the emotions (ego-loss) and accept the "messages" directly and without filters. Observers often get stuck on the state itself. The power behind the event is not inherent in the event, but in the requirement that I (the journeyer) reliquish the buffer and shield of emotion and ego in order to enter into the state. No filter means 100% vulnerable, at least to the observer.

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[greensh.livejournal.com]

*determining in that moment to protect that child from all harm*

That was my hunch too.

*Observers often get stuck on the state itself.*

Yes, it seems that it is more likely that the observer will attempt to go the religious route in order to "tap" into the transitional ecstatic moment. An exercise in futility, unless the religion can actually facilitate others to have their own ecstatic experiences. This is something I will write about soon, as I see the ecstatic to be a disconnect between the seriously religious and those who live life more directly.

The journeyer does have to relinquish their hold on the ecstatic event. An arrow does not reach the target while still in the bow, and no amount of concentration will bring the arrow back once it is launched. The only course is to pull out another arrow to shoot again.

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

Wow -- what a great exchange.

I'm constantely impressed about how your writing draws this sort of stuff out.

As far as the "dangerous passion" I feel strongly that's one of those partial truths/dangerous half-truths.

Increasingly I experience passion/compassion as the attached flip sides of the same coin. Seems to me that when either exceeds too far the capacities of the other disaster ensues.

In our culture, though, I think one big problem for people of greater capacity is that the concept of limits of either one limits both.

Seems to me if one is experiencing "dangerous" passion then it's time to develop their compassion capacity. If one is tangled up in enabling, or not "shining" in their own light out of excessive compassion, then it's time to awaken and feed the passion.

We all tend to one side or the other.

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[greensh.livejournal.com]

*We all tend to one side or the other.*

That's the truth! It amazes me how rational each side can appear when you're sitting on that side of the stadium.

Let me get your feedback on a statement that a widely recognized religious figure once made.

"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth" (Rev. 3:15-16).

How does this declarative statement apply to those who seek to walk a (more) middle path?

Middle Path

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

I ADORE the Middle Path and think that's the place of greatness.

Consider . . . the difference between infinite power, in balance through presence and the completely different sort of balance achieved by negation by simply never extending ones-self.

The only people who never make mistakes are those who don't DO anything . . . so it's pretty easy for them to assert standards since they never exert themselves to risk, even relative to the standards. Lukewarm.

I'm no good at chapter and verse (in my contraryness, I consider it heresy) but ". . . in the world and not of it . . . " is my sense of the middle path. (By the way . . . I'm no damned good at it. Working on it.)

It's been my experience that most of the really GREAT spiritual teachers I have known who held their power and knowledge in wisdom and balance have been all but unnoticed in the world around them. They always get a twinkle in their eyes when someone comments . . .

Teacher and leader types seem to need to be somewhat out of balance in order to do their right work. I think it has to do with the characature effect of micro/macro

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

I really like all of this.

One of the things I find myself thinking alot when I read greensh on LJ is about the slippery slope where community and the individual connect.

My view is atypical to the point of being nonsense to most folks because everything's in a systems context. That said, it seems helpful to me to view both communities and individuals as complex entities. Less spiritualy evolved entities (both community and individual) are obsessed with dominance patterns and relationships for the EXCELLENT reason that those dominance patterns in less evolved systems dictate access often to the point of survival issues.

I know whenever I get off balance and slip back a notch those things are always in the mix for me.

When dominance is a bit more subtle, often when women and matriarchy have become integral to the mix, dominance is expressed by inclusion and by repressing "unwelcome" communication and information of any kind. Both authenticiy and passion are among the "unacceptable" communcations for a community systems entity because they are disruptive to homeostasis. "sit down, sit down, sit down you'r rocking the boat . . ." This is hard to spot sometimes because the individual expressing dominance for a community are often just acting out the unwritten rules (policing)

The really cool thing is that taking personal responsibility as you describe takes all the power out of the punch of the cultural entity. If you take PERSONAL responsiblity then at a certain entity level the unwritten repressive rules really don't apply to you. You free everyone.

Tough work, that spiritual warrior journey . . .

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[greensh.livejournal.com]

I've put up the concept of "dominance" into a larger category of "guardianship". As you infer, there are both subtle and gross degrees to guardianship. I have wrestled mightingly with many of them, finding some measure of peace in the question, "who do I serve and who serves me?" Your statement about personal responsibility is an excellent corollary to my own thoughts. I will post something soon about beholdenence, service, balance, and personal integrity.

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

I equate guardianship with stewardship with the difference in chain of command.

I perceive you as holding the spiritual gift of stewardship but attempting to express guardianship through your teaching and leadership. That might be projecting. I had a similar pattern problem 10 year ago with hospitality and presence.

Re: My personal experiences and choices

[greensh.livejournal.com]

The interesting thing is that I don't (actively) have stewardship in an established tradition. Instead I find myself attempting to understand how others are managing the guardianship/stewardship, and why the results come out in varying ways. Though, I could be projecting in that I desire stewardship over a micro instead of the macro I now hold. Yep... probably.

Thank you for the most excellent feedback!

stewardship

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

I think stewardship is harder in practical ways. In stewardship there is a systems component and balancing needs and demands. Also stewardship implies a necessity of husbandry to grow and develop the charge. In guardianship there's more of tendency toward stasis, even if growth and development is part of the presumption of stasis (as in a guardian of a child who arranges growth and development toward a preconcieved goal on some date)

[anchasta.livejournal.com]

Screw proper.

Get a golf club, or very narrow PVC tube. Buy a "funnoodle", one of those foam pool tubes. Cover (headless) club or PVC with said noodle, leave space for a handle, and duct tape from base to tip. Proceed to beat the everloving crap out of things. If you make more, you can find others! Plus, you get REALLY cool expressions on your neighbors faces. ;D

Screw proper - AMEN

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

. . . a man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.
George Bernard Shaw

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.
Tallulah Bankhead

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Mae West

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings UNINTENTIONALLY.
Oscar Wilde

It's no accident many accuse me of conducting public affairs with my heart instead of my head. Well, what if I do? Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
Golda Meir

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Oscar Wilde

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Mark Twain

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Mark Twain

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Mark Twain

A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.
George Bernard Shaw

Re: Screw proper - AMEN

[anchasta.livejournal.com]

BRAVO! and thanks!