Medication Question

[kokopelle]

I have a question for my LJ friends that have struggled with depression. I butt my head against this insidious force that comes and goes. The contrasts are really strange. I am consumed when depressed and hardly remember what it feels like when I am not depressed. This is a good thing. Memory of depression would probably be as bad as the real thing.

Here is my question... how/when/where does a person decide to embrace medication? I struggle with this question because I have my good and bad days. The bad days have identifiable causes, or so I think. There seem to be stressors in my life that turn up the depression volume. Many of the stressors are temporary or of my own making. I know this because the stressors melt away when they are removed/transformed/explained/accepted/forgiven.

I've only been on medication once, and did so because the affects of depression were impacting my work-life. Even though I've facilitated/manifested a lot of sh*tty stuff in my life, my work-life is where I find solace. This may seem strange to some people. Others find work to be a necessary evil or a chore. I find work to be creative and fun. So, it is really quite frustrating when my depression heavily bleeds over to the one place of peace that I have.

It occurs to me that there is an 'average' measure of quality of life. My average is inching up in a spiral that repetitively spins from low to high and back. I suppose I am frustrated with the pace of the improvement and really quite scared of the depths I occasionally sink to. Is it enough for the average to be improving when I feel like I am slowly dying?

I don't self-medicate with the conventional methods. My only true vices are caffeine and excessive kitty-cat petting. The reluctance I have for self-medication probably carries over too OTC medications. However, I really believe that my lack of action results from the shadow of my death wish. I don't 'take care' of myself so I can check-out in a societally acceptable way. There are things I could do for myself to improve my long-term health. I seem to resist these. The momentary depression surely is a factor. It is difficult to take a vitamin supplement for future health when all a person wants to do is end things today. However, I am concerned that my lack of desire to take care of myself is foundational, resisting even the 'good days' of my life.

Here is the question... what is a practical indication that prescription medication of depression is a must? Will medication facilitate my state of mind so I will take better care of myself? Does the typical medication affect the "don't want to be here period" type feelings? I suspect therapy is necessary for this foundational issue. Anyway, your thoughts are appreciated!

Comments

[sunfell.livejournal.com]

I struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder. If I don't get a certain amount of light, I get really depressed. It starts with the 'feeling of doom' panic attacks, and then my motivation vanishes.

I cannot take any kind of anti-depression medication- I've reacted very badly to those that were prescribed to me in the past, so I have to use non-drug ways of keeping my chin above water. One is a light box that I use in the morning. The other is a dose of GABA that I take in the evening. I do this during the 'dark months' to keep me on an even keel. And I don't have the 'zombie head' or any of the nasty side effects of the drugs- or the bill.

You must find the solution that works best for you. Understand that there will be ups and downs, and find things that bring comfort to you. This might include the solutions I spoke of, or maybe hypnotherapy, or medications. If there is a chemical imbalance in your body, you should find out what chemicals are out of whack, and fix the problem. You have to be your own advocate. That is the most important thing to understand: only you know what you're suffering from, and it is up to you to fix it.

I wish you all the best.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm on that upwardly spinning spiral of recovery. Just talking about possible treatments is a move in the right direction. The challenge I face now is taking care of health in small(er) ways so I don't have BIG health problems later.

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

Here is the question... what is a practical indication that prescription medication of depression is a must? Will medication facilitate my state of mind so I will take better care of myself?

Not on it's own, no.

Medication changes the chemical balances in the brain so that you are in a better place to be able to learn what changes you need to make cognitively and spiritually, and be able to put them into effect.

They do not necessarily make you feel happier, and if anything being on anti-ds (I've been on three different types and have been clean for two years now) can increase the acuity of the turbulence you're experiencing on some levels. BUT, I also found that even while I didn't enjoy being on them, I almost always experienced an improvement in myself when I combined them with therapy, or cutting stressors out of my life (work / uni etc.)

Does the typical medication affect the "don't want to be here period" type feelings?

Drugs like Effexor have actually been known to make suicidal ideation worse in the short term. If you are seriously considering anti-ds, work up a plan with a responsible doctor so that you have a safety escape or valve just in case you are in the 'getting immediately worse before experiencing an improvement' camp. I was one of the people who absolutely plummeted in the first few weeks of taking Effexor, and about another couple of weeks needed to be spent just dealing with the outcome of that.

However, once that was over, I managed to overcome the worst of my GAD (which is a very insidious disorder) and even today it hasn't come back in the same persistent way.

Even with the more sophisticated medicines of today, it can take a while to find dosages and drugs that are appropriate for you and your chemistry - and while you're finding those dosages, messing with that chemistry produces somewhat depressing side effects and the drugs themselves can cause downward swings.

I found for me, I go to anti-depressants when I'm literally having daily breakdowns and can't get out of bed anymore, pretty much, except to drag myself to a doctor and have a breakdown there instead. I don't feel I need them for suicidal ideation, because I haven't attempted in a long time, and I understand now that it's part of my PTSD and isn't likely to be something I'll follow through on. If anything, the drugs may numb me to the point where I'd find it easier to do in the first place...

[greensh.livejournal.com]

*If anything, the drugs may numb me to the point where I'd find it easier to do in the first place...*

This would be a bad thing and I have that concern. At least nowadays I have the presence of mind to say, "I feel really bad, don't won't to be here, but to drastic steps would be SUCH a dumbass action".

[valkyriur.livejournal.com]

I haven't ever been on anti-depressants, though I suffer depression from time to time, so I can't really help on this issue. I would think that using the anti-depressants in conjunction with therapy or other things of this sort would make them more successful though.

[elegy-of-flames.livejournal.com]

I spent about a year and a half on Prozac from about the end of 2004 to the spring of 2005 (age 16 to 17).

Same sort of thing really - I went on antidepressants when I ceased to function to such a degree that I was forced to take a year out of high school. It wasn't so much a death wish that led me to try to deal with it on my own for so long, it was a kind of stubborn self-reliance; I felt that, since the world (this being both my school and my parents) had utterly failed to acknowledge that I was having real difficulty instead of simply being lazy, I was going to try and make it on my own. I have since learned to accept support - it's a nice thing.

Antidepressants help with basic coping capacity, as in getting up each day and doing what you have to. You don't seem to have a problem with that. They also help with the manic lows inasmuch as they dull them - you feel them through a bit of a fog. I compare it to being punched through a pillow - you know it should be hurting, but it doesn't impact you nearly as much. It's a dissociation from negative emotions rather than a complete elimination of self-destructive feelings. You decide if that'll be of help to you; I found that for the first six months to a year of my time on Prozac, it helped me gain some much-needed perspective. You do seem to have that intellectually, but from your posts alone I can't entirely judge if you have that emotionally. If not, then antidepressants will help with the needed distance.

On their own, antidepressants fix nothing. If your depression is caused by a genuine chemical issue as well as stimuli in your life that make you feel bad, then they will help with that; if it's simply that your life keeps offering you depression triggers, then they're only a stopgap to help you figure out how to eliminate, or at least better deal with, those triggers. I was lucky - mine orginated from an environment that I have since left.

And I second what moonvoice says - although this phenomenon is better recorded in teenagers than in adults, a slightly higher dose of antidepressants than you properly require can generate a psychotic episode. Speaking from personal experience; when my dose was upped from 20mg to 40mg a day quite suddenly, I made my one and only suicide attempt. Thereafter, I went cold turkey off the Prozac entirely on my own initiative. The moral of the story? You are the best judge of what you need; others can support, and their professional knowledge may exceed yours (ie therapists) but ultimately the only person that really knows what's going on in your own head - even if its contents are muddled sometimes - is you.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the feedback! It is valuable to hear from yourself and others that have gone that route.

I don't think my depression is purely chemical. I feel better when energetic/structural issues are resolved in my life. I feel better when I am in some situations and much less so when I am in others. I've got what I've heard a therapist call "stinkin thinkin". The part of my depression that is chemical could probably be treated with more natural methods.

[elegy-of-flames.livejournal.com]

Kitties, tea, and 5HTP? ^^

If you'd asked me for an opinion rather than information, what I'd say is that antidepressants may help you break these negative thought patterns a bit more swiftly, but probably won't change the fact that the only way out is through. Good luck soldiering through it. *hug*

Medication

[pic-overload.livejournal.com]

My suggestion is probably not from today's mainstream thinking, but since male depression is on the rise, and meds can easily be prescribed by any physician, it is still the best option to get a full evaluation from a competent and wise Psychiatrist.

Only they can determine whether you are dealing with something situational or a physical problem. Both may require some help through medication, but the complete program of dealing with it will differ significantly.

Blessings in your search,
don

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

I don't know about your original question, but my therapist recommended this natural lithium. http://www.findserenitynow.com/

I took it for 6 weeks this summer and hit a financial crunch and so switched over to a slightly different and cheaper natural lithium aspartate available through my health food store.

I can really tell that the trace mineral is helping to improve my effectiveness in confronting the real life sources of my depression. This is recommended for mild depression, and mine can hardly be classified as "mild" but I can't take most of the prescription stuff 'cause it makes me scary crazy.

I have also had good luck with Relora from my health food store. It's a more generic version of the Relacore, highly advertised for fat reduction. I haven't had any weight loss success, but it was originally recommended by one of my alternative healers because of the cortisol stabilizing effect. My therapist thought it was a good idea that I try this and explained the metabolic effect of chronic stress, illustrating with the comparison to a town under seige during the middle ages. The Relora appears to help with my adrenal fatigue.

Are you aware of the correlation between high intelligence and depression? A really good therapist can help with that . . .and a really good therapist can help discern organic versus situational depression.

Lastly, back around to your original question . . . again, advice from my therapist (also a psychic, if that info helps you any) Tim tells me that in general, depression that comes on throughout the day as we tire tends to be situational. Depression experienced upon waking tends to be organic. In general, I have found that to be a helpful rule of thumb. The exception comes at times like the one we are in at present when the dreamscape is so loaded up with crap from the cultural group mind that sleeping at night is more culturally engaging for the gifted than being awake.

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

I also find that if I stay away from corn, I'm far less prone to depression.

If I stay off of msg, corn, wheat, and yeast . . . I'm REALLY better able to shake off depression. Corn and MSG are by far the biggest depression inducers and includes corn syrup and corn additives. I've avoided aspertame since it first came out, but it seems like that's a problem too on the rare occaisions when I accidently get some.

Again, on the advice of my therapist, I've just started on "raw organic cacao nibs" in the late afternoon when my energy tanks and sprials me into poor-decision depression. www.livesuperfoods.com

I have a tendency to a "comforting" sort of depression when I'm around too much electronics over an extended period of time, but I have had good success just by being aware of it and taking time away for reorieninting exercises outside and barefoot.

[jagboh.livejournal.com]

As you know, I was on meds for about a year, year and a half. The experience was good, and informational. During that time, my counselor recommended a series of books that taught me how to control the chaos in my life, and the exterior stressors that caused the problems from that standpoint. I still have the chemical imbalance however, now with supplements and life style changes, it no longer bothers me except during reasonably expected times (death, extreme change, etc). Recently I found that the information from www.quantumtechniques.com and learning about dissociation disorder has given me a new handle on some other facets that have plagued me for as long as I can remember. I plan to take advantage of the free 20 minute consultation available when you purchase one of their books. My New Years Gift to me from me. :) I got the parts protocol book and it cleared up so much mystery for me. Zowie!

I could type on forever about my healing philosophy ya-da, ya-da, ya-da, but I won't. (collective sigh of relief).

[greensh.livejournal.com]

(smile) I would be honored to listen to you for hours about your healing philosophy. Your continued progress warms my heart.

Other Things That Help

[runnerprince.livejournal.com]

Medication is between you and your physician.

However, exercise, proper diet and sleep, having a change of environment -- these are all things that you can do and may be as or more effective than medication.

For those friends who may be reading -- to avoid your friends who are "depressed" is to not be a friend -- they need you.

Re: Other Things That Help

[greensh.livejournal.com]

That last bit of advice is good...