kokopelle | Internal and External Feelings

I've come across another mask topic. This is one about the internal vs. external mask. A friend of mine is having problems with a co-worker. Previously there was a friendly relationship. Now he ignores my friend. The background on this is that the co-worker can be a passive agressive jerk. My friend wrote the the following. Below is my response.

"I think he LIKES being a butt to me-it's glaringly obvious that he is mean to me and not other people (at least, not as much). It is bizzare. I want him to admit it because it would be honest--otherwise, he's lying. I'm not sure how to go forward with that one. Know that he's a dishonest person and avoid him?"

You want him too admit that he treats you differently from other people? You already know that, and it's a sure bet he is aware that he is doing this. Is he verbally stating something contrary? Is he telling people that he's buddies with you and everything is OK? Is this the source of his lying?

If this is not the source of his lying, then consider that people have a private side that does not match their public side. It is not always possible, or even appropriate, to expose the private side. Our public presentation can be a mask for those feelings inside. There are good reasons we don't always publicly proclaim our internal feelings. There are societal contracts and agreements on how life is conducted. The irony of this human arrangement is that the same public behavior can belay different internal motivations.

For example, what if I am cordial to a person, but think they are an asshole? What if I am cordial to the next person, but think I want to jump their bones? Would it profit to share these things with the people? What if the person I lust after is already in a relationship. What if the person I distain is a co-worker who I have to get along with, at least enough to get the job done. Under normal conditions it would not be appropriate to share those eternal feelings. Should I be completely honest, and tell everyone that I love/lust how much I love/lust them, and likewise, tell everyone I distain what my true feelings of distain are? Over time, to do so would make me a social pariah

Are you so completely honest with everyone around you? If you do, than kudos. If you are not completely honest with your eternal feelings, then don't hold others to too high of an alternate standard. We are all human. In fact, even if a person was super honest with all internal feelings, it is not reasonable to hold others to the same measure, as we all have free will on how to interact with others, be it good, bad or ugly.

You have a work relationship with your co-worker. People who work together are expected to get along well enough to get the job done. They are not expected to be buddies.

Consider if you are lying to yourself instead of your co-worker truly lying to you. Consider what your expectations have become in comparison to the reality of the situation. THEN, love yourself irregardless of what the assholes are doing.

Does anybody have words of wisdom that I can share with my friend?