The Need for Positive Words
Jan. 23rd, 2013 01:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kokopelleA friend of mine asked for feedback on others perceived them. They wanted to learn more about themselves by using others as mirrors. I applaud this. Truly meant positive words were offered by respondents. My friend asked for a more real scoop. No positive words were needed as they were digging into matters that were less positive in nature. This struck a cord in me.
Positive words can also be very true, or at least much truer, than a person's darkest self evaluations. There are some thoughts that take us down corridors that we alone walk, ones that nobody who truly cares for us would travel. It has served me well to have people think and say encouraging things. Yeah, they may seem overly positive sounding, but people who know us, even peripherally, aren't complete dummies about who we are. There are also people who are very intuitive and empathic. These people are the treasures in our lives. They give us the feedback that can save a life and/or make our life a more enjoyable. Positive words, and positive friends, are treasures to embrace.
Positive words can also be very true, or at least much truer, than a person's darkest self evaluations. There are some thoughts that take us down corridors that we alone walk, ones that nobody who truly cares for us would travel. It has served me well to have people think and say encouraging things. Yeah, they may seem overly positive sounding, but people who know us, even peripherally, aren't complete dummies about who we are. There are also people who are very intuitive and empathic. These people are the treasures in our lives. They give us the feedback that can save a life and/or make our life a more enjoyable. Positive words, and positive friends, are treasures to embrace.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-01-23 08:14 pm (UTC)I have two dear best friends, C. and B. I've known C. a few years longer and she has always told the truth. B, being bipolar and often known to say words of anger, can be a little twitchy.
One weekend, B slept over. All through the weekend she praised me, told me how beautiful and amazing and strong I was with my disabilities, and essentially put me on a pedestal, calling me a goddess.
The next morning, C arrived to do some art with my husband. My friend R came to take me to a doctor appointment.
Several days later, C and I were alone, and C told me that after R and I had left, B turned to her with an smirk and asked, "Do you think Adam would be married to her if he had to put up with her every single day?" (meaning that if my husband didn't have to travel for work, he would come home every night). C was stunned and hurt, and when she told me, I started crying. I didn't expect B to be two-faced like that.
So now I'm wondering how many of my friends actually love me for who I am. It is a deeply unsettling, almost paranoid feeling. I already have plenty of dark self evaluations and negative opinions about myself...
no subject
Date: 2013-01-23 08:55 pm (UTC)Our true friends, the ones that love us for who we are, will embrace us for all these things. I am forming the opinion that the people who do are treasures. Now... here is the rub. Our friends, the ones that love us to the degree they are capable of, are really complicated entities also. Their complications can make the love come out in all kinds of ways. Sometimes it is good. Sometimes it is not good. Jealously is an example of a not good love. Other times a person's bad times spill over to other people. My anger and grumpiness should not roll over to people around me, but it does sometimes. We are called to love others while they are all those things.
A final thought... embracing others should not bring us ongoing and constant pain. Pain is not a normal event. Fire is a thing that can warm us and cook our food, but ongoing third degree burns is not the norm. I think toxic people are like the fire that is too close. It does little good to ask the fire to move away from us. It is not sentient enough. Toxic people are not functional enough to cooperate with our health. The likely choice is to move back a few steps on our own.
Good luck dealing with those lovely letter people. They love you in their own way. Consider if they love is healthy for you, and if it is, embrace them for all the shades of human that they are. Feeding the dark self evaluation does little good to anybody, including ourselves.
Newell
Date: 2013-01-31 04:37 pm (UTC)hdglide45@aol.com