The Sources of Rage

[kokopelle]

A recent blog entry on capital punishment brought up some strong reactions on punishment of sexual offenders. Below is an edited article that I wrote earlier this year. This is strong stuff. I am not suggesting that my views are the only right ones. They are my experience. I am open to hearing about other people's thoughts.

There is a disturbing statistic out there. “In 8 out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows the perpetrator (Tjaden and Thoennes 2000).” (http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/svfacts.htm). The statistic are saying that the perpetrator is a family member or a family associate/friend.

Juxtapositioned with this is the way that our society is now treating "recognized" sexual offenders. Those brought up on charges are now put on sexual offender watch-lists. These lists are available to the public. This can be a good thing. The shadow side of the lists is that all sexual offenders are put on these lists. This includes those involved with statutory rape, prostitution stings, public indecency between consenting adults, and so on. These are lumped in with the true(er) sexual predators that stalk our children and young adults. There are some inherent unfairness in the way these lists are constructed and used. The correction of this is a matter of public policy and community desires.

A recent discussion on a talk radio show I listen had people calling in and saying that sexual offender should be tracked 24/7, while being kept away from all children. The caller was asked what made the sexual offender different from the serial bank-robber. Bank-robbers are not tracked with electronic collars, listed on websites, and forbidden from living in proximity to stores/banks. The answer was very guttural. Children are family, and there is a higher benchmark of "justice" called upon those who offend against children. It seemed that some people would like to see sexual offenders have their parts chopped off and then the sexual offenders would be thrown in a hole for the rest of their lives.

Wow. This is a very strong emotional reaction. It is my theory that there is a tremendous shadow of unacknowledged sexual abuse in our culture. The 80% of sexual attackers are not punished by the law because they are our fathers, brothers, uncles, friends, etc. We cannot have our fathers arrested and sent to jail. Our brothers and their friends will never pay for their crimes. Shame fills this shadow. Instead, our collective sense of rage is turned towards those who are recognized by society. Meanwhile the cancer of sexual abuse is passed from generation to generation. People are broken emotionally, and our society pretends that this plague does not exist.

Can we bring this justice upon those that we know – our families and acquaintances? How can this 80% of offenders be dealt with? Is it "fair" that our rage is directed towards others, or do those 80% of experiences only better inform us of what we should do about those who can be punished?

Your feedback would be appreciated.

Comments

[iskender.livejournal.com]

I have to admit that, first, I agree with the cry for vengeance. Sexual violation is a truly terrible act, and it is only natural to want some kind of punishment.

But there's so much more to the hysterical frenzy that surrounds this discussion. People get to vent their every violent desire. Sexual predators are a convenient scapegoat.

And that's one thing, but as you point out, it stands alongside a huge problem, that of silence in the face of genuine abuse. We hoot and holler about the man in the alley but when it comes to a parent or uncle or family friend, there's an about-face. And any student of human nature knows that contradiction makes the passions stronger.

So there is this impotence to address our familial problems, and I don't just mean sexual violence. I mean regular abuse. Some parents are manipulative if not cruel and not out of weakness but out of boredom. They treat their children like toys or pets or nuisances. What do we do? Push a little faster on the shopping cart and hope things get better. There's a lot of injustice that, as part of being civilized, you have to ignore. That builds up a general feeling of powerlessness, of badness, and we feel the need to discharge every chance we get. That's why righteous indignation is so popular--it's like a drug. "I'll go months acting amorally and callously, but on this one little issue on this one day, I'm going to take a stand!" And any stand will do. Again, you have the added taboo of sexual violence--coupled with the titillation most men have for violent domination of women and general domination of children--and there's a show.

And that reminds me, too, that this is also about a general fascination with criminals. More American men than ever--and I don't know if they're 50% or more or just a loud minority--feel displaced. They're shit upon at work, their wives don't worship them, their children are openly rebellious. Again, this group of men, which is larger but maybe not yet in the majority, feel a sense of envy regarding the criminal who beats women up, dominates them sexually, terrifies those weaker than him, and is actively engaged by the authorities. This angry American man feels impotent and unknown, and he feels a contrast with the criminal who, he feels, is empowered and attended to by society. Even bad attention is better than suburban silence. Needless to say, a man who feels bitter and inferior denounces the criminal more, because it allows him to conquer what he wishes he could be--a free man. But of course that's a simplistic view.

Part of it is also the cult of rape in this country. We like using rape to terrorize our women--not by practicing it, but by putting it forward as a terrible event from which one can never recover. Is it any mystery that rape in fiction is mostly a modern invention, introduced as a means of punishing strong and independent women in those works? Rape, preferably by a big, swarthy or dark-skinned man in a back-alley or bar, has been what will await women who yearn for too much freedom. They need protecting.

And who will protect them? Men. But not directly, of course. In the form of the state.

Should we punish these people? Of course. But all these cultural neuroses don't give us any clarity regarding dispassionate punishment. They merely muddy the waters and confuse our thinking. How can you see an accused rape trial if you were raped and never coped with it? It would ruin your ability to judge. Hell, this is why hardly any men can work in elementary education anymore--we're obsessed, truly obsessed with the dangers outside the home. We're blind to those inside them.

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

Can we bring this justice upon those that we know – our families and acquaintances?

I think that it's possible, but I find this whole issue difficult. I spent most of my life being sold off by family members for sex (since the age of 6) and don't really know a world where 'family' is anything but the first people you meet who are happy to objectify you. The plethora of psychological illnesses that come not so much from the rape/s itself, but from the constant conditioning, have me in a place where I find it difficult to feel anger towards my family, though I also find myself completely ambivalent towards most of them when they pass on.

'Fairness' is difficult in the issue of assault. It is so common, and it is not in the domain of 'women' alone as victim. The Sexual Assault Referral Centre of Western Australia believes at least 1 in 8 men will be sexually assaulted or raped in their lifetimes, and often by women. Sexual assault can happen to anyone, by anyone. It is an illness perpetuated by people within a society, and it is those people who let it run unchecked. *shrugs* All I can do is protect those I love from my 'blood', and in the meantime exercise vigilance.

Very little is fair or right or just. Even if I were to get some semblance of vengeance, it would tear other members of my family apart whom I loved. Would that be fair to them? Would I feel right inflicting that damage upon them? I have to make peace with my choices and some of my silences, and speak out when I can.

But a lot of how I feel about this is still up in the air for me. And probably very very incoherent.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

I realize this is tough subject, and very much appreciate your feedback. YOur comments are not incoherant. Instead, they demonstrate a brutal honesty and clarity. To me, your comments bravely illustrate the complexity of the issue.

The line "All I can do is protect those I love..." echoes what I heard on the radio. Those with a knowledge of abuse speak out for measures that will protect their own children. The results can be harsh. Other may look at them and question the fairness. They measures are not supported out of meanness. Instead the measures taken are an honest reaction of their personal experiences.

[apocalypsegrrl.livejournal.com]

It's nothing but gray area on this topic.

As a child I was molested by my grandfather. Aside from that experience I also had to watch as he was never brought to any kind of justice, lived to a ripe old age coddled by his children and was praised at his funeral. I, on the other hand, was dumped into a chain of shrinks' offices, alienated and robbed of all reason to ever trust another human soul for as long I live.

On the other hand, my mother had to choose between protecting the man who raised her and protecting her child. If rapists were thrown in a hole, would that really solve anything? Then my mother would have to deal with watching her father rot there. That'd hurt her too, and it wouldn't erase what had already been done to me.

As much as I'd love to see rapists dragged across the country tied to the bumped of a truck, such actions aren't going to erase what they did. It's just not a constructive solution.

Though what would be a constructive solution beats me. :þ

[greensh.livejournal.com]

Do you have believe that human nature is flawed to create monsters like your grandfather, or is it only the monsters (via nature or nurture) that are flawed?

This is not a simple question. I do believe we are spirits living a human life. The good, bad and ugly of the human life is real, but it is not the totalness of our existance. That said, I shudder to think that human nature is so flawed. It's enough to make me want to go back to just being spirit.

[apocalypsegrrl.livejournal.com]

I definitely believe we're all flawed in some way. I mean, even the most innocent child will still point at a fat person and laugh at them with no thought of how that might hurt the other person's feelings (that counts as a flaw in my book anyway).

In that vein, I don't think that it is the flaw itself that causes 'monsters'. My housemate's father was horribly abused as a child by his mother and, as consequence, had a lot of anger issues during his life that affect their family. But he was able to recognize this and take serious steps to find a better way to deal with it and now had much better relationships with them. And luckily this revelation did not need a major tradgey to make it happen.

On the other hand, one of my friends has a sister who was very rebellious and troublesome for a lot of her life. She ran away from home several times, got into a lot of dangerous relationships, did drugs, etc. As far as I know, there was never any abuse in the household. Both parents lived together. Of course, I don't know all their buisness, but there wasn't any major shake-up that seems to have caused this girl to have such destructive behavior.

Do you think that, if our human nature is flawed, that it is our spiritual nature that has the ability to transform or overcome these flaws?

[greensh.livejournal.com]

"Do you think that, if our human nature is flawed, that it is our spiritual nature that has the ability to transform or overcome these flaws?"

There are several answers to this question. The first go atheist in response to doubt the existence of any positive spiritual force (aka God) in the face of the suffering. The second is to chalk everything up to a horrific joke of "divine mystery".

The third alternative I embrace sees the flaws and suffering as part of the pre-birth or “god-self” spiritual choice. The spirit does not inherently overcome challenges. Instead, the spirit plans these things before entering life (pre-birth) or transcends all the challenges as a merely physical aspect (“god-self”). I admit there is a fine line between this alternative and the horrific divine mystery alternative.

I'll not be able to convince you (or anybody) if you don't believe in pre-birth spiritual choice scenario. This is a $64,000 question of why suffering is inherent to the human existence. Answers are a plenty. All good answers are very personal.

Now, if you drop the question into the realm of the more mundane, than I would say that I believe that the human character can overcome many hardships in life. You can call this spiritual nature. You can call this pragmatic stubbornness. Whatever the flavor, we do have a choice and ability to not become complete victims of the "flawed" human nature.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

Discussions of the "innocent" child pointing at the fat stranger get us into the realm of people responding to nurture or to nature, as well as the true nature of innocence. Was the young child taught that fat people should be laughed at? Has the child never seen a fat person before, and their reaction is partially from a place of fear? We can be taught to do some really bad stuff. We can respond from fear and do some stupid things. IMO neither point to a flaw in human nature, for it is from these same places that we can have loving taught responses and instinctively respond to beauty.

IMO the fat person's feelings being hurt are not the responsibility of the child. The truly innocent child does not know that the fat person's feelings will be hurt. The fat person could choose to see the reaction of a child as being innocent (whatever that really means) and not react with hurt feelings. NOW, at some point children do know that they hurt other people feelings. All claims of innocence are off at that point. Child psychology enters a new arena.