Feeling Funcational

[kokopelle]

I'm am getting a glimpse of what a functional alcoholic / recovering alcoholic may feel like. I've never been one, so I could be completely wrong. One of my basis for comparison is a lady my ex-wife worked with. My wife's co-worker longed for the weekends when getting wasted was on the schedule. My apologies if I get this wrong. The co-worker was distracted during the week, and perhaps struggled with physiological factors that only the alcohol could resolve.

Here is my relating. I long for something I should not attain. Why? It would suck for my overall health and piss others off. Depression adds numbing mental / physical element. So, I am in a situation of craving for a not good thing, while struggling with a limitation that stunts my social skills. I feel so distracted and I'm not living in the moment. IT is an addiction.

Comments

[valkyriur.livejournal.com]

There's actually been several articles over the years discussing how depression can be an addiction for some people. Like many addictions, a person's body starts 'desiring' a certain chemical/hormonal balance.

I sometimes find myself wishing to return to the days of numbness. It was often so much easier to deal with the world. I'd feel happiness much harder, but I would also fall into the sneaky hate spiral much easier. Without depression I don't feel things as deeply, but I'm not down as often or as heavy. It's...strange.