kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)

There has been a lot written about the difficulties of being an introvert.  This is come in the form of well thought out articles and memes.   I’ve never quite connected to them, even while I seemed to have big introverted hallmarks.  I made sense of things when I discovered the concept of the introverted extrovert (aka shy extrovert!).  I extrovert pretty good when I step out of my shell.  I don’t mind speaking or teaching to groups.  I enjoy group activities.  I dream about groups, and socialize online, but typically not one-on-one. 

So what difficulties might I face?  A Thought Catalog article (6 Things Every Extrovert Secretly Has To Deal With) laid out six challenges to being an extrovert.  I can relate to most of these, and find the list to be a fascinating examination of challenges I’ve had in the past.  Thankfully my lovely wife understands my nature, and allows me to indulge it.  So, for those bold extroverts and shy extroverts…

1. People will often assume you ‘re flirting
2. You’re not allowed to be sad
3. You’re expected to keep the conversation going
4. Being labeled as shallow or unintellectual because you’re not an introvert
5. Craving the company of others
6. People assuming you are always confident

This list really hits home when I think back to when dear friends have told me, “but you seem so confident”.  Razzle dazzle and all that stuff.  We struggle too.

(http://thoughtcatalog.com/macy-sto-domingo/2014/03/6-things-every-extrovert-secretly-has-to-deal-with/)
 
 

kokopelle: Frank n Furter (frank_n_furter)
A friend wrote:

My social bone must be broken... I can't figure out how to people properly.... I feel like I am on the wrong planet, existing in the wrong dimension or trying to connect with a foreign specie. What is the fix?!

I replied with:

#1: Know your own strengths and weaknesses. These can be identified through personality tests or just through an understanding of where you stand on the introvert, extrovert, introverted extrovert, and extroverted introvert. I recently found out that I'm an introverted extrovert. A surprise to me, but it makes sense.

#2: Work with size groups that are compatible with your personality type. Large groups freak out an introvert. Small groups don't sit well with an extrovert. The middle ground between the two is interesting too. Be kind to yourself if you are close to somebody who is a contrary personality to your own. Give people their space and ask for the same.

#3: Are you interested in pushing your limits? Do so with kindness. Give yourself lots of credit when it is due and don't beat yourself up as you struggle. Life is not on a schedule. Fulfillment can take an instant or a lifetime. Both usually!

#4: Depression sucks the life out of a social life. The social life is a symptom for bigger challenges. If that is the case... well, focus on addressing the depression. Life will approve, including the sociable side!

Surprise

Apr. 5th, 2014 07:42 pm
kokopelle: Horse Totem (Default)
 My lovely wife says that I am an introverted extrovert.  I am very outgoing when I want to be, but guarded when the situation does not appeal to me.  Interesting....

From the linked article:

A rare few, those who were actually introverts but became semi-extroverts through their work, remain introverts, but have developed a range of social abilities. Introverts don't change drastically, but this form of the IE is what happens when they do. Their confidence has also developed enough for some selective extroversion.

 
Sounds like me... I checked out the extroverted introvert, and I don't think I'm that person.  They appear to be professional careerists.  I'm so not that.

Being Shy

Dec. 12th, 2013 01:08 pm
kokopelle: (Mai Gun)
A secret… I am an introvert of the intuitive dreaming type. Recently I shared my personal blog with a friend and had an interesting response. They said “I have enjoyed your blog. You are very insightful and creative, even more than what's revealed in person and I thank you endlessly for sharing!”. This brought a smile to my face and prompted me to respond with a seemingly strange sentence. I said “I'm very shy in person!”. Tis true! Even my photography, as active as it is, is shy in a way when you compare it to nitty-gritty up close and personal portrait photography. I don’t do much portrait stuff. Do I want to? Sure! Do I want to dance with all the popular dancers? Sure! I don’t because I do seem to have a shy side and have for years. So, the next time you see me being aloof, consider that introverted me is shy and would love to dance or speak to you. Reach and out and you might be surprised and I would be delighted.

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