Pagans and Sexuality

[kokopelle]

A sharing person asked the following on a LJ group:

I can think of a few potential reasons: that the Pagan community is more welcoming of such interests and/or orientations than general society; that as part of examining one's life and one's self, Pagans are more inclined to examine their sexual/relationship life and be open to alternatives; that some common Pagan practices such as ritual nudity etc already move into the realm of what society may consider deviation from sexual norms, this making further explorations more acceptable to practitioners; correlations with other communities more keen to explore alternative sexualities, such as hippies and geeks (although this still doesn't adequately explain why);or that magic-workers are often interested in power and its relation to the self, and may choose the bedroom as a place to explicitly explore this

I answered:

I'll echo other's statements that most pagan 'religions' do not encourage or discourage sexual activity. You mentioned ritual nudity. The key word there is 'ritual'. When kept to ritual, the nudity does not affect the extra-curricular practices of the participants anymore than wearing revealing clothes at a fancy ball does. You also mentioned the power of sexuality. This is not exclusively a pagan secret. Secular advertising knows about the power of sexuality. The people at the beaches and nightclubs, dressed in oh-so-little know about the power of their sexuality. Even the Christians do, embracing adventurous sexuality as a way to cement a marriage.

So what's the difference? Paganism comes with less rules about sexuality. The contrasting Abrahamic religions have LOTS of rules regarding sexuality. The natural sexual tendencies of humans - straight, gay and bisexual - vanilla, S&M, BDSM - are not roundly condemned by paganism. In theory, they are not part of "paganism". Instead they are merely part of being human.

Regarding promiscuity, the desire to have a monogamous mate is present in the pagan world. Good sexual hygiene and focused emotional lives are valued by pagans. These are not inclusive to monogamy, but the exclusive relationship or extended-monogamous relationship does help these factors. While there is a greater spread of alternatives to monogamy in the pagan world, they do not lessen the sacredness of monogamous relationships that do exist. I speak from experience here. I am thoroughly pagan AND in a monogamous relationship. When that choice is made, the paganism and monogamy are very compatible.

How about those "deviant" practices? Are they "more" pagan. I would say not necesarrily. I have pagan friends who roundly hold this view, finding the view that "S&M" is pagan trait to be abhorrent. The deal is that they personally don't approve of S&M, and thus, don't want it forced into their world with the view "you have to accept it because it is pagan!!!".

I strongly suspect that one would find equal amounts of "deviation" and "kinkiness" among all religious groups. Some religious groups do condemn these acts and the people are driven into closets. I cast doubt on the assertion that pagans are "more sexual". Instead, I think they are merely more comfortable with their inherent, Goddess given sexuality. Kudos for pagans. Everyone else will have to stay in their closets!

Comments

[greensh.livejournal.com]

Your comments are good ones... I hope I have good answers (smile).

I would not use the word "justify". For the majority of people, I would instead say, "people who practice promiscuity, polyamory and other "deviant" sexualities feel more accepted in the pagan religions". In contrast to other religions, paganism, on the whole, does not go out of it's way to condemn these practices.

Do some people use paganism as a "cover" for their actions? Sure. They are called "party-pagans". These are the people who come to a gathering to have fun. They don't attend ritual. They don't go to classes. They are just there to have a good time. IMO there is nothing inherently wrong with this. People just need to be honest about their intentions.

What would people be covering up if they are a party pagan? Assuming nobody has their rights violated, is there a wrong being done here?

I do want to say that using paganism as an excuse to do bad things is NOT cool. I'm not talking about these situations. Being any given religion, paganism included, does not give people the right to be evil. I am aware this stuff does happen, and may write about it soon.

[elegy-of-flames.livejournal.com]

Poly girl jumping in with my two cents *grin*

I was moving towards paganism before I ever heard of these "alternative" or "deviant" sexual practices, and before I was at the kind of age where they were really an issue *grin* My meeting with polyamory, let alone the decision to embrace it and see how it goes, came much later, and in a context wholly divorced from religion (except inasmuch as neither I nor my partner - currently my only partner - carry any beliefs condemning it).

If by "more sexual" you mean pagans are more inclined to sexuality, then I would have to agree with you that they are no more or less sexual than any other red-blooded human being. But since sexual practices, especially "deviant" ones, carry much less stigma in the pagan community, people will not only be more inclined to come out of the closet to others, but also to themselves. That little thing called repression can be nasty, and when you function in a belief structure that stigmatizes certain desires, denial will likely be an automatic impulse.

"Good sexual hygiene and focused emotional lives are valued by pagans. These are not inclusive to monogamy, but the exclusive relationship or extended-monogamous relationship does help these factors." Thank you for being specific and not sending me off on one of my tirades! ;) I think I've already given you my personal views on the matter, and as you've phrased the statement, I do agree - non-monogamous relationships certainly bear health risks that one ought to be aware of, and the time and emotion requirements of a focused relationship limit the amount of intense emotional bonds one may have to a low number, if not necessarily to the number one ;)

"While there is a greater spread of alternatives to monogamy in the pagan world, they do not lessen the sacredness of monogamous relationships that do exist." Indeed, and I'm inclined to elbow monogamy-bashing polyamorists (this sometimes includes Jamie. Ahh well, he'll grow out of it :P). As always you're very succint so I'm more or less chorusing along: what paganism does right that other religions sometimes do wrong (very big, fat IMO for that bit of course!) is that is that it is more willing to recognize the sacredness of these "alternatives" as well as that of monogamy, and not limit the "legitimate" ways in which a person may find happiness.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

There was a time that I was Poly boy. I've walked that side of the street and know what it can be like.

I included the words "extended-monogamous relationship" to mean a person that has a monogamous relationship with multiple partners. Sounds strange, but we poly people (myself being a past one) know what it means!

[elegy-of-flames.livejournal.com]

You did mention, although I believe "the year of the male pagan slut" was your phrase *grin*

I suspected that is what you were referring to by "extended-monogamous", although the use of that particular term boggles my little mind given it's describing a situation that's fairly far from monogamy, although it retains the traditional strong partner bonds. I suppose the part of it that rankles is the implication that these strong bonds are monogamous by definition.

I do believe triads or even more extended relationships can be just as strong in that respect, although it is unlikely that I will ever find out firsthand as my time quota is already managing one (temporary long-distance *sniffle*) primary relationship wherein both partners suffer from chronic straightness, and, as I've previously stated, I don't do secondary :P Then again, I suppose nothing is impossible, given I once used myself as an example to prove the existence of that mythical creature known as the het poly girl.

Also: icon ftw. There is definitely going to be extreme raiding of your icon trove when I have space for more of 'em! :)