My Comments on Pedophilia

[kokopelle]

This is a long article on an emotional and controversial topic. I’ve got a fair amount of text behind the cut. My apologies if I ramble, but this the first time I’ve closely looked at something that has struck a cord for me.

I consider myself an open-minded guy, especially when it comes to the "consenting adults" side of life. I have my own share of kinky interests and can relate to others doing the same. These liberal views have been challenged during the LJ strikethrough days. Part of the 'cause' of LJ strikethrough days was the very sloppy discontinuation of pedophilia 'supporting' users and communities. Strikethrough is now fading into history. I've been left to wonder about some of the reactions I've seen.

One reaction had people who said (paraphrasing), "pedophilia is a natural sexual urge is should not be equated with predatory behavior or stalkers". "Writing and reading purposely erotic material (intended for sexual arousal) containing pedophilia behavior is not the same as performing it", they said.

Other people indicated that they write about pedophilia because they were victims of it and it is part of their own life experience. Often the component of incest is added. The act of writing from their experiences is reflective, processing some part of them that demands introspection. I can relate to this.

I find myself having very different responses to the two reactions. I have distaste to pedophilia when used for erotic purposes. I have compassion for those who explore pedophilia as part of their own healing and coping strategies. The rest of this article will examine why I have these two diverse reactions.

Before starting, I want to say that I recognize sexuality and its expression to be very complex. There are many factors that fall both into the nurture and nature categories. People can find themselves with appetites that are formed by their environment. There is also a difference between desires and action. Lust and fulfilling the urges are not the same. These complexities create a spectrum from fantasy to actual actions. Those things that we want and those things that are put upon us by environment color the spectrum. The result can be unfathomable to others or even to the person feeling the pull of their own sexual tides.

What of consent? I don't believe that children are inclined to consenting sexual acts with adults. If this is the case, and I hope it is, than the child is coerced emotionally and/or physically to engage in pedophilic activities. This is WRONG WRONG WRONG. I cannot abide by sexual congress between adults that is nonconsensual. Those forced upon children are even more heinous. So, nonconsensual behavior is immediately wrong in my book. There is something wrong with the offending adult. I'm not going to say that they are evil, but I will say that they need help.

Full(ish) sexual awareness does occur during the teen years. The late teenage years are a blurred place for definition of pedophilic behavior. Who is to say that a person wakes up one day and is suddenly an adult? People mature at different speeds and have different levels of emotional maturity. There is some amount of late-teen sex that is difficult to categorize as pedophilia. I'll take these occurrences off the table during the rest of my comments.

Let's say that the remaining pedophilic behavior is 'consensual' and is performed with those who the majority of people would agree are children and not young adults. Where does that leave me?

The next contrast I want to make is between those who embrace pedophilia out of erotic lust and those who explore it as a path to personal discovery and healing. I acknowledge the two can blur. I cannot condemn the later, the exploration of a path to healing. Those damaged by a phenomenon are drawn to understand the phenomenon. The why and how of their own experience can be clouded by memory loss or an inability to distance themselves from the occurrence because of who was involved. The exploration through fiction or other people's recollections can dispassionately allow them to view and heal things that cannot be dealt with through their own experience. The sharing of experiences can assure both victims and perpetrators that they are not alone and that there are avenues for healing.

The expression of those desiring healing differs greatly from those who see pedophilia as an erotic outlet. I have seen explanations given that pedophilia is a natural desire, no more perverse than any other. My distaste of people pursuing 'natural' pedophilic desires stems largely from the disparity of physical and emotional development between the two parties. Or perhaps the adults who desire sexual congress with children have some part of themselves that rejects the adult world. I don't know. The point is that the two parties are not equal partners, emotionally and physically, in the act. I find myself wanting to say, "it just isn't natural". I also find myself rejecting these words. I've said on past occasion that everything is natural. How could it not be and still happen? I will instead say that the sexual congress between an adult and a child is not harmonious. There are many issues of development, emotional health, trauma, and such to consider. 'Nature' does not excuse the probable harm done to the child by the act. The temporary sating of lust does not condone the lifetime scarring of its victims. To me, the end result is a sense of unfairness, callousness and misplaced affection in the natural pursuit of pedophilia

There is another explanation to why people turn to pedophilia. This reason is shared by many cases of rape. It is the assertion of power. This expression of sexual power is especially egregious when the victim is a child and the perp is an adult. Disempowered by adults or the adult experience, the pedophile seeks sexual empowerment with those more vulnerable than them. To me, child porn falls into this category. It is disingenuous to think the child "volunteers' for pictures or that the pictures are only taken out of love. Those distributed among people are devoid of love and more clearly represent the taking advantage of children. To this I have to bring out the WRONG WRONG WRONG stick again.

The last thing I want to cover is the concept of "I only look but don't touch". Sigh. This sound good but I have big issues with it. The sexual drive is very strong. Those who only have the outlet of pedophilia will be tempted to fulfill their desires. Will they? In my heart I have to say yes. Part of me really wishes that what I read is true, that people can embrace the vicarious pedophilic life without impacting actual kids. The mere use of child porn in a pedophile’s lifestyle supports those who create the porn and can be indirectly responsible for harming children. Sexuality is strong, often voiding the hopeful "don't touch" sentiments.

This has not been an easy thing for me to write about. I was surprised that I had such a strong reaction to it. I felt I had to condemn the pursuit of pedophilic erotica and simultaneously support those who are seeking healing. Our children are special. They will be adults soon enough. Many adults, including myself, are seeking that spark of life that childhood represents. The spark is not found through sexual congress. The spark is instead embraced when we identify with purity and joy of children. Only love and protection exist here, and that is why I have written about this topic.

Comments, feedback?

Comments

[qassandra.livejournal.com]

What about those who explore it neither for healing nor for titillation but only because it is a form of human behavior?

There's also an important distinction to be made between child porn that involves real exploited children and that in which no actual child is exploited. The former is, besides being morally wrong from my perspective, illegal. The latter, though perhaps repugnant, can only be a crime if thought can be a crime. And that's a road I don't want to go down.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

That is a good point.

People write about a lot of disturbing things because they are part of the human behavior. The serial killer novel is a mainstay in the bookstores. That doesn't mean that the even a fraction of the readers are training to be serial killers or are find titillation from the killer's actions. While there may be a vicarious thrill from the suspense and danger, there is not a direct identification with the killers.

If there is identification, the reader sees themselves in the roles of the victims or heroes. I suspect the thrill of reading this type of literature is getting a glimpse of "the other side of the human behavior tracks" without having to directly experience the events. This would be "watching the train wreck" type stuff.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

I believe you've accurate identified why it is the hot button topic. It is my belief that prepubescent pedophilia (thank you for affirming this distinction) is akin to rape. The rage is also there because of the sacred place that many of us put children. Either we have children or were abused as children ourselves. With all the other forms of sexual congress being "OK", pedophilia comes to the forefront and pushes multiple buttons.

Persecution of pedophilia is probably also being used as a political angle. I find this distasteful as those with political goals often do not have a true affinitiy with the "tools" they are using. It is easy enough to move onto the next wedge issue. This cheapens the supposed outrage, casting doubt in people’s minds if the topic was really important. This is another possible reason we are hearing more about it.

[chimerae.livejournal.com]

Wow. What a brave post.

Caveats and context. I don't know any answers and I have lots of questions. And personal frustration. And dispair for the state of the world. I experienced incest as a child, starting when I was about 2 1/2.

Additionally, (and I REALLY don't understand this) all life both "normal" and strikingly abnormal people have talked to me about their deepest most private secrets. Some people enjoy that. I've always hated it and suspected that my inability to say "no" to listening was linked to my early abuse.

As a child "normal" adults confessed their sex stuff (and other things) As a teenage judgemental hyper Catholic, everyone still told me sex stuff. As a teenager I taught human sexuality in High School biology, at church through our CYO, and as a dorm counselor at KU. And now, to my distress, in the past couple of months therapists have started sending clients who want sex therapy and are preparing to go to sexual surrogated to me 'cause the professionals don't feel capable of talking about it. Asps, very bad. This morning, one of my work allies who I refer clients dealing with sexual issues called me because she needs to get checked for STD's and has no safe place to go.

I don't know nuthin' about nuthin' but I've spent a lot of time at the edge of this pond. So, here's what I think:

Nature is my teacher in stuff I can't figure out through human sources. It seems to me that abberant behavior in nature is a normal response to abnormal conditions. Under stress animals kill their young and do all sorts of other things horrible in human socities. It's natural, but not normal.

Whatever the reason or the source, pedophiles have something seriously wrong with them. In my experience, it's usually an early childhood imprinting.

Donald Trump has something seriously wrong with him, but our culture applauds and rewards him.

I think the tricky bit here is in the true nature of community.

Our culture has established standards that say that Donald Trump's abuse of the culture in general and individuals in particular is not only okay, it's ENTERTAINMENT. I think that obscene. When Trump and creepy people on Survivor abuse others and we participate by our silent attendance, we imprint on that as an acceptable and approved behavior. Independant of our conscious intent, we sign up inside ourselves as either the perp or the victim. I tend to get stuck in the Rescuer indentity, so I just get outraged.

Same shit different day. . . just people being people.

The upside of the same force is in the Liberty Mutual Insurance commercials where one person sees someone else stepping up and stepping out to do the right thing, unapplauded and unnoticed and become the next link in the chain doing the right thing, unapplauded and unnoticed. Real heros don't think they're heroic.

So, our culture has a seriously obsessive-compulsive thing about both sex and power. The trouble with obsession is that a fear is repressed by hyperfocus on some detail. As a culture we can't look at sex and power and we can't look away.

Pedophilia, like most things, is a CONTINUEM. An individual on the pedophilia continuem who tries to get help is ostracized and alienated by cultural reactions. I've been in all sorts of groups where someone on the continuem tries to get help. I have yet to see it be anything but a disaster.

When our culture alienates a recurring pattern of individuals and then provides a venue where they accrue, abberant individuals create their own subculture. Their common ground is nothing more than their experience of alienation through abberation and the abberation itself becomes elevated to the point of mission.

Hell and damn.

Meanwhile, we romaticize childhood, forcing children to carry the burden of our projected notions of purity and joy. Our romaticized prejudice of childhood is part of what makes it so hard for children to "tell." And yet, the chivalry attendant in romaticism is the key to passionate intervention.

The first step is to acknowledge that life is unmanageable. Only after that is it possible to get to personal accountability and the infinite possiblity of grace.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

I like your comments about true natures and normality. The two are distinctive. Is suspect my future "everything is natural" commentaries will include this point.

[valkyriur.livejournal.com]

I did not read what you wrote, but I will make commentary of what I think about the whole pedophilia thing.

There are people who are attracted to prepubescent people. As long as they do not act upon it, it's fine. I've seen (as it's called) lolicon and other various erotic things. At first it really bothered me. However, if it doesn't involve real people, I don't see a problem with it. Some people, like myself, enjoy it from time to time because I didn't do anything like that as a child or even a teen. -Nope, no playing doctor or anything like that- Sometimes I would have liked to experience other partners at such a young age, but I'm glad I didn't.

It's the same thing with pornography for me. I don't like pornography with real people in it. It bothers me because I don't know if they're consenting or not. In animated films the people involved are not real and I can have a little fantasy safe in my head, knowing that what I'm watching is not at the expense of others (except for maybe an artist who couldn't find a place at another animation studio :P).

Although I know there are some sickos who will do it, I don't think the majority of people who enjoy these fandom sex stories/pictures would actually do so to another human being. It's a fantasy.

I have fantasies of pushing the guy dressed in an ice cream costume for "Haagan Das" as I leave every day. I've even sat there and told my mate 'how' I would do it in some detail. I'm not going to do it though. -I know, that seems pretty far from what we're talking about, but, honestly, can you anybody say they've never had a fantasy about causing extreme injury (emotional, physical, or mental) to somebody?-

It's a very fine line. That's for certain.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

It was a darn long article. Sometimes I think that books could be spun out of such beasts.

I did not directly address the fandom angle. This is the whole "the teens of Harry Potter have sex with each other and their teachers" type fiction. To me this a very fuzzy area. My line would be crossed if the students are presented as being prebubescent. The fandom angle also embraces "not real" people. In a way it is safe(r) to fantasize about imaginary characters. The trick is to keep it there.

Thank you for the feedback. Good stuff.

[iskender.livejournal.com]

I agree with a lot of what you've said, but I think that qassandra's point is incredibly valid. Some stories may include pedophilia without the author expressing a desire or a need for resolution. Sometimes terrible things are done to children within stories because they further the plot.

But then, it's a realistic depiction, I hope, and not a stylized one. Pedophilia, pederasty, the numerous forms of violative sex, are not to be dealt with playfully or coyly, and sadly that is how most erotic writing is done.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

Her points were very good. I read a lot of suspense and spy type books. Your point that terrible things are done to further a plot is well taken.

The worlds presented in media are only shadows or approximations of our own. The authors and directors create facsimiles to our world and then spin in the terrible things. While we enjoy reading these books, we wouldn't want even a fraction of the things that occur to find their way into our 'real world'.

[iskender.livejournal.com]

So should have Orwell discussed totalitarianism and war without end? They're worse than child rape.

[wulfwalker.livejournal.com]

Firstly, I do not think pedophilia is about sex, but power, control and domination.
this was a very difficult post for me to read, and to respond to. I do not
care WHAT the rationalization is to see, experience, re-experience, explore
or to desensitize pedophilia ( and here I will support the definition as
prepubescent children) I do not understand it, I find it repugnant and
reprehensible. As a parent, one of my primary responsibilities was to
protect my child from predators. unfortunately this meant of the human
kind. I dislike the division of "incest" from pedophilia, this somehow
mitigates the offense ( I do not understand how) some of the rationalization
I have read is that it is more..acceptable?? understandable?? for a parent
to abuse their own child, then for a stranger to abuse someone. but
cases of incest are prosecuted differently than pedophilia, almost as a
"problem" rather than a crime. partly, IMO because their is so much denial
from the other parent and maybe siblings who are not subjected to the abuse.
I am in a Sexual Trauma support group and one of our members who was a
victim of both incest and rape is now facing the fallout of her current
spouse abusing her children from a previous relationship. when her child
attempted to tell her and seek her protection she accused the child of
fabricating the abuse and flatly rejected the possibility. this child (who
is now a teen) in turn sexually attacked his younger sibling. She is
devastated that she failed to protect her children OR even to believe them
when they sought her protection to end the abuse. WHAT's MY POINT?? oohh,
sorry... simply:
The idea of adult/child sexual activity is such anathema to us that we would
rather reject the possibility than face the consequences of the failure to
protect our children. A point was brought up earlier about animal/natural
behavior. Animals may kill their young if they are diseased, malformed or
(Lions) when a older pride male is killed and the new male destroys the
young to force the females into heat, even by accident, but IME, there is NO
DOCUMENTED ACCOUNTS of any animal systematically preying on their young
sexually. Animals kill to eat, to propagate, to feed their young. but they
do not torture. WE hold that distinction. For me, my child represented
continuity and showed me how to view simple, ordinary events as
extraordinary. They do not YET have our filters and prejudices. (Sorry
this was somewhat long and disjointed!)

[ssuzzi-q.livejournal.com]

I want to add my two cents. I'm really glad you chose to write about this. I think both sides need healing for entirely different reasons, but it needs to be discussed.

I will never understand where pedophelia comes from. For that matter I don't understand any true Fetish. I mean I'm not innocent I have lots of little "fetishes" like anyone else but a true Fetish is something hard to understand.

In psychological terms a Fetish is something a person NEEDS in order to climax. Nothing else will work. End of story. They absolutley have to have this one thing. Pedophelia is a Fetish for children. Not teenagers who have all the equipment and are young and fresh and attractive, but children. Children who are not sexually mature. No breasts. No pubic hair. Obviously physically undeveloped for sexual behavior other than discovering ones own private parts (which usually happens around age 2 or 3).

The problem with Pedophelia is that its a Fetish. Most pedofiles know very good and well that this wrong. They know that while they find this child just so damn sexy that they can't possibly understand enough to consent. But its a Fetish. It becomes a compulsion. Often it starts out with just kiddie porn and your favorite five fingered friend. But its soon not enough. So they try something more. Mabybe not touching but peeking in at a 6th grade locker room. Or talking on a chat line to a child about sex. They know its wrong but that Fetish just closes down all reason and they eventually become a predator.

I suppose its possible that there is someone strong enough to have this particular Fetish and not keep pushing the envelop, but I've never heard of one.

I have compassion for pedofiles. This is a major disorder. This effects your entire life. Children are everywhere as they should be. Imagine being a teenager again and that all you wanted was sex. You see the mate of your choice (ei male/female) everywhere. You get hard just looking at them. All you want to do is fuck em. Fuck em good. But there is no chance in hell that you would ever be allowed to. You could force yourself on them sure...but thats not what you want. But everywhere you go everyday there they are staring at you. It can drive you a little batty.

Pedofiles need help. I dont' think they should be allowed to look at kiddie porn or discuss they're feelings with other pedofiles. They need to get into somekind of therapy and help to controll all this mess before they do something. They need to be watched with children for everyone's protection including their own. They should not however be denied love, compassion, and the right to find balance and happiness.

The big problem is how do we protect those who need it and still help these people with a pretty serious disunction?

I can't answer that. And this really is a big problem.