Journey to Ixtlan

The poem “Beware the Ones” was inspired by the misleading talk of “agendas” and “ideologies”. The “gay agenda” and “trans ideology” are trotted out as monsters to scare the unwary listener. Victimhood is corrupted as the talking heads exclaim an imaginary danger. Instead, you’ll only find people trying to survive, trying to thrive in their own happiness, in place of the fantasy-based systems of ideas.


Beware the Ones

Beware the ones that espouse
ideology as their war cry
saying less with each yell
as the volume find new heights
this choice of word is enough
to alarm the marginalized
now that comforts are arrayed
as conspiracy they’ll deny
claiming a system is at hand
political whims of ill intent
replacing humanity under fire
with righteous statements that conspire

agenda is another term
suspect upon utterance
look to lists that don’t exist
dictated by imagined folk
these imps that dwell within
fabrications of soliloquies
the ranks filled with strawmen
each ascribed with bloody hands
spoken from the pulpit's stage
for an audience without shame
don’t turn your back on this affair
contrived within malicious minds

now the hate is fully formed
statements made of strategy
as real as the fetid lies
barked without sound regard
except to rouse the army’s rage
stamp the feet against the floor
villains found at scripted ends
words twisted to draw blood
so deny these paths to the ones
monsters in the guise of men
speaking louder than the refrain
words that follow are murdering.

© 2019. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20190408.

Jodi Lynn Anderson is credited with the quote, “she guarded herself like a secret”. This sentence is from a paragraph that speaks about hidden fears. I took inspiration in another direction, pondering the times when the protagonist is guarding herself because of a need for external safety. The poem “She Guards” speaks to the concerns that many women have, and that men cannot even begin to understand.


She Guards

She guards herself like a secret
lest the world abuse her grace
a shade of power inherent within
tattered revenant of her past trials
safety was too often paramount
above the whims that may bless moments
simple joys that most assume
were ripped away by past abuse
leaving only vigilance
asking where the faith had gone
in security of the every day
in protected moments every where.

The veil of trust was no more
once present to hide the beasts
now they lurk, waiting there
striking when shields are dropped
the monsters come in many forms
some are strangers, others not
sadly the worse are the latter
colleagues, sweethearts, families
taking in the private spaces
where safety should be the standard
taking more than strangers may
only pain remains when trust is taken.

Now no drink may be left alone
lest the villains find a way
to have their ways while Satan laughs
by curse of modern chemistry
every shadow holds dire threats
fiends enclosed where none should be
these imps of brimstone's taint
hellions worshiping only power's lust
the all to common is saved for the last
the "good ones" who take their liberties
touching where the hands should not
social leaves of darkest kind.

Pray in remembrance of simpler days
for some these have never been
bend the knee to ask for grace
this shall not mend that ripped away
ohers look in the mirror to find the source
why the secrets must shield her soul
protectors missing when darkness fell
or the “saviors” were to blame
she guards herself like a secret
the reasons why are not hidden
when the world seeks to only control
exert its power and not protect her life.

© 2017, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170310.

Letters to My Future Self. 001. Defined by Fear

The world today seems to be more defined by fear than by other emotions. The election in less than a month has people lined up to vote against a person instead of for a given candidate. The reasons for this are aligned with a mixture of unproven dreads, conspiracy theories, and manipulations by others. There is truth to some of what we’re hearing. There is also a lot of speculative junk.

This is the nature of humanity. The shadows are scarier than those things seen in the light. The step not yet taken is full of foreboding. Into this comes the puppet masters, those who pull the strings to suit their needs. The highest irony is that these puppeteers are not controlled themselves. There is always another layer. That layer is ultimately selfish, and whether derived from angel or demon, seeks to transfer responsibility onward.

Remember the plot line in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? The Man in the Shack is the reluctant Ruler of the Universe. If you had the same attitude as the Man in the Shack you would simultaneously have no fear while being the Ruler of the Universe, and like him, you can sing to the cat if you would like.

Somebody honored me by saying that I was brave, willing to write about topics that others felt but did not express. The poem “Coward” is an occasion when the poem is REALLY dark, but sadly truthful. While I hope nobody else experiences what I share, my heart goes out to them if that is the case.


Coward

Color me the coward, yellow under belly,
too afraid to live, not afraid to die.
Do I suffer from unease or a disease?
Pusillanimous would be the decree
when I am no longer here to defend
my actions none will understand except
those who cannot admit they feel the same.

Caitiff seeker no longer seeing the sights,
Adrift in a life that is sampled and not lived.
Prisoner of the funks incomprehensible,
deserter still on the ramparts of life’s decay
while others fight hold their rightful place.
The greatest weakness of all my faults
is the envy and jealousy for those who went
to the comfort of a grave the brave detest.

Life continues for the fainthearted fool,
poltroon of the banquet table set
with the riches of a life lived to date,
taking comfort in the scraps dropped to the floor
when the riches are piled high on the plate.
These rewards missed, be they real or emotion based,
are the things I regret most while I remain upright.

© 2016, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved, 20160217.

This past weekend I got to experience something new. I had a full blown panic attack that led me to cancel out of a weekend event. I'm used to low level anxiety, but this was different. Why? Whenever I thought about attending the event I got the answer “no no no”. The kinda good news is that the intuitive answer was also no, but the emotions were so strong that I have to take the intuitive with a grain of salt.

Going forward is not easy. It is as if I am feeling aftershocks of the anxiety attack. Combined with something else in my life, the impact of the weekend is leaving me feeling drained. Creativity is sapped. There is a secondary fear. I gave my aplogies to group and told them that I could not attend. I left the impression that something was going on other than my emotional reaction to the group. I hope this plays out in this manner... cause, I don't want to back away from the group as a whole. Hopefully time will heal this.

An insightful friend of mine recently posted the following statement:

"Fear is a funny thing, thinking back on it. Fear is always associated with something. It is an escape. It takes us back into the past and tries to drag all of that into the present."

There is contrasting or incubating fear that does not fall into the stated category. This is the fear of the absolute unknown. This weekend I saw a good "Sixth Sense" type horror movie named The Eye. It was about a Mun, a young blind women who receives a cornea transplant. Her renewed sight includes visions of dead people, who then commence to communicating with her. As she adapts to her changed reality, the horror (fear) builds as one new experience after another occurs. As soon as Mun adapts to the new reality, another new layer is pulled off of the situation.

The opening credits of the movie forecasted the mood. The white background of the credits had hands rubbing behind, leaving only contour impressions of unknown people. This reminded me of the move The Frighteners in which the ghosts would "bend" the surface of walls, impressing their images on seemingly solid objects. Why was this scary? It's scary, causing fear, because it should not be. It is unknown. Fear can be a reaction to the recasting of reality.

Why should this cause fear? Consider if you came home and your mate was somebody you didn't recognize. What if you arrived at work and somebody else was in office/cubicle? In these situations it is not fearful that you have a mate or that you have an office. It is instead fearful that there is something not expected, something unknown, in their place.

When a person is chased in nightmares, the advice is given to turn and face the pursuer. Facing the fear can remove it from the "unknown" column, transforming the fear into the knowledge of a known entity. This kind of fear lessens, or may even vanish entirely, when the unknown becomes known. In the movie, Mun lost her fear of seeing dead people after it became an established part of her reality. Her fear only returned when a new "unknown" occurred. After finding a peace of sorts with random spirits, she received a new shock when she realized that she always saw the face of the cornea donor when she looked in the mirror. She came to terms with this, setting off to find out more about the donor.

My insightful friend is quite correct that the fear originating from the unknown, and then dealt with through knowingness, can be relived by remembering the first occasion of the fear. The challenge here is to resolve your fears, face your nightmares, and then move beyond them.